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Getting a mentoring relationship off to a good start
- by Joan Lloyd
Dear Joan:
My mentee is from a different department and she was paired up with me supposedly because she wants to work on her interpersonal skills. We've met once just to get to know each other. Any guidance you provide would be helpful and I'll pass it on to the rest of the group. Answer: Congratulations on being selected as a mentor. It tells me that the organization feels that you have qualities they hope you will teach others. Mentor programs are relatively new as a formal phenomenon. Of course, mentor/protégé relationships have always existed but the formalized version is an attempt to force high potential people to bloom. Much like a flower bulb is given special treatment to force it to bloom in winter; mentor programs create special conditions to speed growth. When I teach mentoring skills to new mentors, the first thing we work on is setting ground rules and expectations for their new relationships. Following are just a few ideas and should be discussed with your mentee and perhaps even with her boss. Don't get between your mentee and her manager. Your role
should never undercut his or her authority or responsibilities. Let's take
some examples. For instance, if she comes to you complaining about something
her boss did, don't take sides. Instead, guide her with questions that provoke
insight into the situation. Send her back with a strategy that will help her
resolve the situation on her own. Don't be her spokesperson with others. Your relationship
is designed to coach and teach her, not to do things for her. For example,
if she is having a conflict with a senior manager and peer of yours, and she
asks you to intervene on her behalf and "go talk to him for me," don't come
to her rescue. Instead, coach her on what to say and how to approach the problem.
Then ask her to report back to you on how it went the next time you meet.
This way, you can hold her accountable for completing the task as well as
put yourself in a position to coach her again if it isn't resolved. Clarify confidentiality. The goal is to develop trust between
you but not if it jeopardizes the organization. For example, if she confides
that her boss is engaged in an unethical practice, you may need to report
it for further investigation. Or, if she says that someone in her area is
sexually harassing her, you would be bound by law to tell HR. However, the
boundaries can get grayer. For instance, if she tells you that she is thinking
of leaving the organization, that is a private conversation that should not
be shared with others. However, you would probably want to find out why and
encourage her to take steps that would make her want to stay. On the other
hand, it wouldn't be appropriate to help her leave. Don't do her work for her. Make her think. It may be very
simple for you to just tell her what to do, since you are a successful executive.
But she won't learn as much as if you guide her with self-discovery questions.
It may be a real growth opportunity for you to take a step back and analyze
why certain things work and break it down into teachable steps. Don't pull any punches on the political realities. Fill her
in on what moving up in your organization really involves. So much of an executive's
world is based on informal relationships and knowing how things get done outside
of the formal structure, you can be a valuable teacher if you share some tips
in this subtle domain. Be honest. The beauty of being a mentor instead of a boss
is that you can tell it to her straight without the worry of damaging the
boss/employee relationship. It's more likely she will embrace your feedback,
since she doesn't have to worry about how it will appear on her performance
review.
Once the ground rules and expectations have been set, spend time outlining goals she would like to work on throughout the year. Pick a time to meet (every three weeks, perhaps) and determine how you'd like to spend your time together. For instance, you might start with a brief review of how her work is going and a report on any "homework" you have given her and then pick a fresh topic to discuss. It's a good idea to send her away each time with a brief action plan, even if it's merely a phrase to use or an approach to try. If all goes well, she will shorten her developmental learning curve and begin to bloom. You may even sprout a few new skills of your own in the process. |
Our company has started a new Mentor Program for high potential employees. I have been selected as one of the mentors. (I'm a VP of Marketing.) I think it's great that the company is doing this but I've talked to a few other "mentors" and we aren't really sure what we are supposed to be doing. Our HR department has suggested that we meet with our "mentees" (who they paired us with) on a regular basis but haven't given us much guidance regarding what we should talk about and what they expect out of us.
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