Perception vs. Reality

[movinonup]

First of all, I must say I feel so fortunate to be able to keep the pink copy of our requisition forms in my binder, and send the green copy to our purchasing department for payment.   = )   Seriously, though, I really do feel better when I wear my pink sweater...responses from people seem to be more positive.

As to the perception problems, I've run into this in my current job.  When I first started, I kept trying to get things done by going directly to the people who were responsible.  They were holding up my part of the work because they weren't doing theirs.  I got into big trouble with this, as they perceived that I was undermining their authority.  That couldn't have been further from the truth.  I wasn't trying to take over their jobs or their "power".... I just wanted them to do their assigned tasks.  

My boss actually agreed with me about it, and said he runs into the same problem himself.  So, he couldn't help me.  After a while I realized that all I could do was wait for the others to get their jobs done so I could, in turn, do mine.  I no longer push people to move things along, I just stew in frustration.

The specific problem I was running into--and still do--is that new employees were not being processed efficiently, so that when they arrived they were not furnished with the necessary items to do their work.  This infuriates me and the other admins to this day...it seems so "unwelcoming" to the new person.






Movinonup

[npsadmin]

Sometimes it is just nice to know you are not the only person with the issue.  

"Taking on too much authority" is definately an issue in my office.  Anything I send out from the boss has to be prefaced with, "I was asked me to send this out..." or else people will think I am taking it on myself to send information out without checking with anyone first.  Good grief.  You would think they would have enough to do without worrying about whether or not I am trying to take over the company.

I have started rewarding people for getting reports in on time, or being the first manager in with their information.  People are incredibly competitive.  If they know that there is a prize for doing something they have to do anyway, it just makes it a little bit more fun.  Most of the time the "reward" is a gold star sent via e-mail - but it is just enough recognition that 1) others feel a sense of guilt for not getting their stuff in on time, and 2) managers HATE the idea of another manager beating them to the punch.  

I also started giving them an "absolute drop-dead" deadline that is at least 2 days before my real deadline.  They always push it, but it eliviates a ton of stress on my part.  When they call and say, "I need an extra day!" I am free to answer, in my most pleasant, helpful voice, "Of course!  Not a problem this month.  Can you have it to me by end of business tomorrow?"  They think I am doing them a big favor and I still meet my deadline.

LL

[dettu]

What is amusing about the whole pink thing is that it is also ONLY A PERCEPTION!

But it continues to work for me.

I think the male employees enjoy it as much as the female employees.

[smssilva]

After reading some of the posts, my question is:

A) If your work or attitude is not ok, why did they promote you? Seems strange to me that they promote a person whose performance is not ok.

B) Could this be the work of a jealous co-worker? Someone who is not happy  with your promotion?

C) It can get lonely on top. People you work with are not necessarily your friends, although they can pretend to be.

Hope this bad time goes away soon.

S

Edited by smssilva on 14/10/05 03:28 PM.

[misslynn]

I was going through this until recently and know how frustrating it is.  Two of my mentors gave me 2 pieces of advice that changed everything for me:
1) Don't worry about being something I'm not, just be the best "me" I can be.
I was so worried about trying to be what I thought they wanted me to be that I was constantly anxious, uptight and generally unhappy.  I just relaxed, did best what I do best and my blood pressure has dropped greatly (plus, I have a happier demeanor in the office).

2) Let my actions speak louder than their words.
The comment about not venting to people in the office is absolutely true, this always seems to backfire.  Whatever they are saying about you, whether it be perception or reality, let your actions speaker louder than their words and soon they will look like the fools for saying it.

On the pink thing - that's absolutely true!  I have pink everything (sunglasses, cell phone case, etc.) and get a ton of comments on it.

Good luck to you, I hope it gets better soon

[raindance]

I like the points you make, Sandra, particularly "C".  

The reality of the working environment is that it is a somewhat artificial set-up.  Many of us who post on this message board are privy to all sorts of confidential matters, great and small, and some work at a very high level.  If you are "the Boss's assistant" then you have to be very careful about the alliances and friendships you make at work.  I would advise anyone working in an office to be friendly with everyone, but familiar with no-one.  On the face of it, that advice might seem to kill off friendships, but not necessarily.   It can be "lonely at the top", but that's the price you pay for being there.

From my own experience, I can confirm that it is a mistake to "vent" to colleagues.  People do get jealous - usually for the most stupid of reasons - and you can't prevent such a thing happening.  

I would only discuss difficulties at work with my boss, people outside work, or, if I need another admin professional's perspective, in here where very few people actually know me.  

LL, you can always chew things over with people in here - it's very supportive, as you have discovered, and there isn't much you can "throw" at the board that someone hasn't experienced before.

Best wishes,

Raindance

[countrigal]

Never thought of the pink thing, but knew that wearing navy and red was not the way to put people at ease -- and these are 2 of my favorite colors and I looked washed out and icky in pink.

In the past, I had a meeting with a co-worker (not supervisor) who told me that I came across b*tchy and all-knowing, and I reviewed my actions in my past 3 positions and determined what may have caused that impression.  I do work hard to learn all I can about my position as soon as I can (upon entering a new position) and then am constantly trying to expand my knowledge.  This means that I do tend to end up the resident expert in things that relate to my job, and therefore am a know-it-all in those issues.  Because I don't suffer fools lightly, and can't put up with a lot of hemming and hawing, I was seen by co-workers as b*tchy.  All my supervisors saw me for what I was, a go-getter and someone who got things done and done right, so I've been promoted quickly even with this stigma.  But what I've done to counter it is simply to tell folks that I'm an outspoken type of person and that if at any time they have an issue with what I say or do, to please tell me so that I can address it and change appropriately.  This has put my co-workers at ease in my last 2 positions and stopped them from thinking of me as b*tchy and all-knowing.  Now they see me as a good resource for them to use (from the all-knowing) and simply ignore me or laugh at me if I get too outspoken in certain arenas, and address it with me.  I've only really had to change my actions a couple of times in 2+ years of doing this, so something I do must be right, even when I'm seen as b*tchy.  By grabbing the bull by the horn and letting them know that this has been other's impressions of me at previous positions, they feel less threatened and more willing to say anything and I don't have to worry about walking on eggshells with them.

In your situation, I would probably corner bossie once more and tell him/her that you need more specifics if you are to change anything -- and that you want to change.  Document this conversation, so you have something in your posession in case this does come back in a performance report later on.

CountriGal
Peer Moderator

[virtuallysorted]

hmmm... I'm coming down on your boss's side I'm afraid.  It's his job to make sure there's a harmonious office atmosphere to encourage good work, and it sounds like he's had several people complaining to him about their perception of your behaviour.

What I will say in your defence is that you probably aren't aware of what it is that you do that winds them up, they could well be dull, vindictive moaners.  If it wasn't you, they would be complaining about something else.  

Unfortunately as they're in the majority he's coming down hard on you.  I'd seriously not take it personally, try & modify whatever it is they're mostly whinging about, and then try and focus your energies on something outside of work.

Question whether this actually is the environment you want to be subjecting yourself to everyday, (new job time?) and meanwhile see if there's something that could be done to introduce a "buffer-zone" between you and the problem-makers (different office arrangements? New project / team?).

I'd agree with your boss - perception is reality, as far as non-empathetic people go.

[Jackie G]

Virtually, I totally disagree.  A good manager should back up his staff, even if in private he then gives them a talking to.  If I worked for a manager who 'dissed' me and agreed with others about what was said, I wouldn't have any respect for them and certainly wouldn't stay there.

Jackie, Peer Moderator
www.iqps.org

[raindance]

Unless I'm missing something, I don't think it is clear whether the manager did agree with the complaints he received i.e. that he heard them and said "dear me how dreadful", or whether he listened in silence and then took up these points with his co-worker.  He may, or may not, have acted appropriately, but I know I wouldn't be too pleased if my Assistant (and I do have one) "vented" to her colleagues about me.

I think people in here are fairly evenly divided over this.  I've have been on both sides of the fence with a matter similar to the one being reported here, and neither place is particularly comfortable.  People are people, and everyone makes mistakes, including being indiscreet.  It's painful to have that drawn to one's attention, but it's all part of learning to be professional.

Raindance

[npsadmin]

Update -

In the past few weeks I have worked to change a few things.  First, I am slowly but surely making everything in my cube pink.  No comments yet from anyone, but I figure it can't hurt.

Second, I am accepting the idea that I have to work within the perception of other people.  I don't have to agree with their perception, but I have to work with them.  As a part of that, however, I have adopted the "never make assumptions about anyone or anything" philosophy.  I ask a lot more questions than I ever used to, and I ask them of anyone and everyone.  Sometimes I feel like it makes me look like I am not capable of making decisions, but if I get a reply that is even remotely condescending I follow it up with a "Thank you, that is what I thought, but it is never a good idea to make assumptions."  It seems to be working.

And third, I am not venting or even making anything that could be construed as a negative comment to anyone in the builiding.  It wasn't like I was always complaining before - I am not one to be in the gossip circles or whine about every little thing.  But now I  make sure every day a good day and there isn't anything to be negative about.

The other principle I am trying very hard to put into practice is to not take anything personnally.  For someone who puts their heart and soul into their job, this is difficult!  But I have to remove the emotions from the feedback.  I have to learn to accept feedback for what it is - it is just an opinion.  And if it is valid, then I know where I can improve.  And if it is not, then I know it's not and life goes on.  

It has been much more peaceful in my little corner of the office.  Nothing negative from my boss in several weeks.  I have a meeting with him this next week and will request feedback as part of the meeting.  

Thanks to everyone who took the time to write in on this.  It has been a great learning experience.  I am much happier because of the things I have learned.  

LL

[countrigal]

Let us know how the meeting with Bossie goes.  It sounds like you're being very pro-active and taking steps to make life over-all easier on you.  Hopefully it will have lasting affects.  Keep your chin up and continue to let the advice be constructive or ignored as appropriate.

CountriGal
Peer Moderator

[virtuallysorted]

I'm with Countrigal - I can see how these comments and having to modify their perception of your behaviour could be extremely hurtful.  I'd recommend not taking it to heart & focusing on what you're good at - getting on with the job!  

Good luck at the meeting!

[mlm668]

I find the "pink" perception interesting in a way.  I honestly have the opposite reaction.  I would see an excess amount of pink (or any other pastel) in an office setting as immature.  That's not saying that any of you are.  I, personally, have never been one for the cutesy stuff in any of my surroundings.  I like rich or neutral colors and those are the ones I find calming.  Pastels and/or overly bright colors remind me of children.  The other admin here in our office brought in a lot of cute knick knacks and seeing them drove me batty.  I don't like clutter and that's how it came off to me.  Now that I'm in my own office and I can't see her stuff, it doesn't bother me.  

When our parts runner started, she put a lot of pastel stuff around here desk over there (and she is young - 19 when she started here a few years ago), but at her desk its funny because its in the shop.  None of her posts it, pens or other gets touched because none of those guys want to be seen writing with a lavender fuzzy pen on a baby pink note pad.  

There is really no way to determine how others are going to perceive you until you've been around them a while.

Michelle

[Jackie G]

I LOVE pink as a colour, also purple, the stronger and brighter the better.

Knick knacks etc etc on my work desk and surrounding area - NO WAY  I have enough trouble finding space for the papers etc and things I need to do the work without having 'rubbish' (sorry to those of you, including my friends who I know have stuff like this) on my desk.

Perception v reality - quite frankly you are you.  You can't change what and who you are, although of course things can be toned down.  Don't become a different person just because some eejits can't do their own work properly.

Jackie, Peer Moderator
www.iqps.org