Dealing with Setbacks..

[goldenearring]

Work your part-time business.  You didn't sign up for it just to get a discount on Discovery Toys:  YOU have got a dream in your heart, and I know it.  (And you know I know it, 'cause I'm hanging onto this suckah like a barnacle a cruiseliner.)



Even if you only booked 2 or 3 appointments a week and held 1 or two, I bet you could easily walk away with an extra $100-200 spendable in your pocket (per WEEK), and that's for an investment of 3-5 hours.   You are a smart cookie, and likeable, too.  Your family deserves for you to invest the time in it, and you deserve the feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction that you have what it takes to provide for your family in what looks like its time of need.  



Da** it, Lori-kins, if I could, I'd send you a check for $15.00(this is what I seem to recall her seminars go for) to go see Ilene Meckley, but if you really want to see her, you *will* find a way to get the $15 on your own.  I know that if you get a certain number of other people to attend, you get to go free.  She makes doing business so easy that anybody with half-a-gumption to study her techniques and (yikes! here's that 4-letter "work" word) apply them can make a decent living, part-time or otherwise.



Hard truth:  living in fear that you have convince others to give you what you need in order to live in the fashion you want to life is no life at all.  In fact, living like that really sucks, and it sucks a lot of self-esteem out of people.  



Reach all the way down in yourself and rally. "Arise, shine, [baby] for your light has come!"  (Whoopi G. translation:  "Get up offa dat thing.")  Now, when you need a miracle is the very best time to step out in faith.  *You* are the person in the very best position to do something about this situation.  Turn on your charm and open up the floodgates.  (And, yes, the baby needs you, but he or she will be happy to spare you for a few hours a week while sleeping so that eventually you are able to have more flexible hours and decent pay that YOU are in control of.)



So, well, ok, if I don't get kicked off of this website after this mini-tirade, I never will!  Good night, love and courage from GE because I know that YOU CAN DO IT!

[goldenearring]

Jade, if your boss had to really stretch to get you your current salary, how is he or she going to feel when you tell them, basically, that you can't work for that after the baby arrives?  Personally, I don't think anybody is indispensable, regardless of how a situation looks.  I'm sure you would word it better, but it seems to me the only way to get more dough out of the current situation, based on how long you've been there, which is like hardly at all, is to do more.  And to do more, takes more time which I don't think you have.  We are all replaceable, even me!  (Imagine that.)  LOL

[goldenearring]

(Some people would probably be happy to come to your house to do the Discovery Toys thing.  Yes, it would be challenging to do it as Karen points out; however, it would also be rewarding when you did do it.  It would certainly be less difficult than trying to make money appear out of nowhere.)  

[goldenearring]

Ksmile:

That is a *great* project, and I'm glad to hear that it is still running.  There are many benefits besides just saving money, just as you pointed out.

[msmarieh]

Jade, there is something that I have to ask. My hubby and I would never have accepted a job transfer with a 10K drop in salary. What were the circumstances that forced you to accept this rather than staying where you were and having hubby find a new job (even at the lower salary - you would have kept your job and avoided the move expenses)? Be sure you tracked ALL move expenses. Anything that wasn't reimbursed by your company may be able to be deducted from your taxes next year.



Have you sat down and written up a budget detailing what you are currently spending? You are short $175-200 a week (approximately). This is a pretty realistic amount of money to make on the side with a little creativity.  Basically you have to either cut your expenses (keep looking, there's probably more ways you can reduce them), eliminate items (necessities versus luxuries - the definition becomes clearer the closer you get to bankruptcy), increase your income, or create some combination thereof.



Can your husband get a part time job in the evenings and on the weekends? I realize this cuts into family time, but sometimes it is necessary until you are stabilized. If you are going to do this, try to get a job somewhere that gives you practical discounts (wal-mart, home depot, etc.) but don't spend all your salary there! Could he cut lawns for neighbors, chop firewood, shovel driveways, pick up dog pooh, (whatever!!!), hire himself out as a handyman at $20/hr plus materials if he has any talent for it?



Also, how about picking up a few other lines of business like Tupperware, Avon, Tastefully Simple? You can at least display the brochures at work even if you don't have time to host the parties. I don't know how the details work on these, if you have to sell a certain amount to keep your distributorship or if there is a high upfront cost or what. Run a small ad in your local paper announcing it. Also, send them a press release announcing that you are now a local Discovery Toys distributor (including all contact info of course). They will usually print it in their business section (especially if you are in a very small town).  There's no cost to submit it. Pick up a book at the library on marketing yourself - I have 101 Ways to Market Yourself and The Secrets of Power Marketing. Marketing does not have to be expensive. Did you make up Discovery Toy flyers for yourself and leave them at every bulletin board (local hot dog stands, grocery stores, library, etc.) to get the word out?



Do you have a special skill or hobby you could use to earn extra money? One of my friends is a fabulous sewer - she sews custom christening gowns - clients pay all materials plus her time. Another friend is a good painter. She paints murals for people for extra money. Another had a craft business. I used to make jewelry in the evenings. Check out the library for books on home based businesses to see if there is something you could do. It's not unrealistic to make an extra $100-200 a week with a few hours of work and you would still be home with your family.



Have you looked around your house to see if there is anything you can sell? Have you got an extra bedroom where you could take in a boarder for a couple hundred extra dollars a month? (Perhaps a college student that could help with the childcare for a little less rent?) Can you babysit for neighbors? Dog walk? Housesit or catsit for people out of town?



Have you got a home computer? Could you offer tutoring or type papers for local college students? I charge $20-30/hr for tutoring locally and get one or two new clients every week from a $4 ad in the local paper. Most of my clients get 3-4 hours of tutoring (and with 1-2 clients a week, this can be as much as $75-150/week extra money for me!). And don't think you have to be in city for this, most of my clients so far have been from rural areas with populations of about 500-5000!



Is there a market research company located nearby? There's one near me that has home typists input all their returned market research forms. They pick them up once a week and drop them off the following week.



Is your home weather proofed well? Consider adding some inexpensive home improvements to lower your electric bill. Water heater covers and timers are supposed to pay for themselves within a few months, plastic window cover sheets, caulk for any seams, weatherstripping around doors. You can get this stuff pretty cheap (watch for sales) and it can make a big difference in your energy bill.



Check more closely into your lease. Sometimes they CAN be broken. My sister was able to break hers because the apartment was making her son's asthma worse. You say your daughter has it - has it been worse in the apartment? You may be able to break it with 30 days notice for medical reasons (a note from your doctor may suffice for this). That shouldn't cost you your security lease. Alternatively, you may be able to sublet your apartment until May. Start investigating alternate locations and seeing what is out there and how much of a difference there is in price. Take into account the moving costs you might incur and the additional cost of re-hooking up utilities, etc.



Go and talk to one of the NON PROFIT debt management services. Make sure it is a non profit and not one of the ones that charges you outrageous fees. They will work with you to set a budget, help you pay down your bills, negotiate lower interest payments, and extend the payment terms. However, more than likely they will require that you cut up your credit cards so you don't get into any worse of a situation. One of my favorite phrases:  "You can't get out of debt by incurring more debt."



Contact your insurance company and ask them if there is anything you can do to lower your premiums - perhaps a higher deductible, have you got all your discounts for things like anti-theft devices, multi vehicle discounts, home (or renters) and car insurance at same place?



How long was your car financed for? Four years? Five Years? You may be able to find a loan for six years that would give you some breathing space. Refinancing is NOT necessarily out of the question.



Bottom line here, stop thinking of reasons why things WON'T work and start thinking of alternative ways to MAKE THEM WORK!



Good luck! (holy cow, this got long! Didn't mean to write a novel.)



Marie

[msmarieh]

One more note for those that hate to cut out the colorings, manicures, etc. Check out the local cosmetology schools! Students have to get in "x" number of hours before they can get their license to practice. The public is often allowed to use them (under the supervision of an instructor, and only more advanced students - not the beginners) for some really inexpensive salon services. Satisfaction is usually guaranteed!



By me, the school charges $4 for a manicure!



Investigate other schools as well - high school auto class for auto repairs - make it a class project, dental school for routine dental work. Your locals might not offer it, but heck you never know - maybe they do.



Be creative!!!



Marie

[phoenix55]

Jade,



I can't add any more suggestions than you've already received.  However, as a little moral support: many of us have been in your shoes and are now thriving and better for it.  Can your husband get a second job--anything at all, just a few hours a week, just to tide you over.  You will get through this.  It won't be pleasant, you're going to be stressed, but pull together with your husband and work through it.  There is a light at the end of the tunnel.  You've got all the tools to make it.



As far as your job, I agree that you haven't been there long enough to approach your bosses about a $2 raise.  Your raises will come, I'm sure, as you prove yourself and take on more and more responsibility.   Each raise will help a little more and soon this time in your life will be over. I know this is a job you love.  If you have to work, work at something you enjoy, don't leave if at all possible.



I'll say a prayer for you and your family.  A friend said something to me once about how you know you've "made it:"  When you can order a pizza anytime you want.



Hope you'll be ordering pizza this time next year!

[jadegrniiz]

Some of you are right.... I probably did make excuses as to why certain things wouldn't work for us.



But, the facts remain:

We can't break our lease without losing the $1500 deposit.



We can't change car insurance companies, because no one will take me with my current driving record (2 accidents, my fault each time, within the past 3 years) without tripling the premiums we already pay (and that's IF they accept me). I made a few calls today just to test the waters, and was nearly laughed at.



The car is financed to the max, with the best possible interest rate we could get.



A mortgage broker told us recently that going to any sort of debt management program would effect our credit ratings just as a bankruptcy would... and that it'd take 7 years before we could hold a respectable mortgage. Truth to this is unknown, but I assume there is some validity to it. Credit cards only make up a whopping $200 of our bills.



Hubby was transfered, yes. Why? Because he ran off his mouth to the wrong big-whig and got fired (technically). The only way he kept *A* job was to move. Seeing as he has no other experience to fall back on, and that I was 5 months pregnant....   we couldn't take the loss of his income at 100%, but at the time, the 7K seemed alot easier to swallow at the time. Hindsight, I wish we never would have left home to be here.  He works 55 hours a week, Monday thru Saturday. There's no time in there at all for a 2nd job (all be it, he's thought about it).



We do not know a soul in this god-forsaken town. No matter what we do, we can't find people we are compatible with. I have no friends, he has no friends. We don't have a babysitter, and can't find one that doesn't look like a gang-banger. Closest family is over one hour away.



The topic of money (and the lack thereof) makes me cry instantly. Sure, I grew up in a wealthy household... grew up in the best of neighborhoods... so, naturally I have higher expectations out of my life. It doesn't make me feel better than someone else... I feel to each his own.



I love my job... but I didn't take it for that reason...  I needed something immediately, and that's why I took it. To be honest, I probably would have turned down the job simply because of the pay if I didn't feel as if it were the only offer I was going to get.



Karen, I loved your co-op plan. I wish I could figure out a way to make it work for me.  How do you start something like that when living in a VERY tiny town, and don't know a soul?  How can you make that work when you are working full time, and don't usually eat until 8pm? I'd love to know... because it sounds interesting.



I requested a packet today from the county about starting home daycares. My MIL has one herself, and I spent a long Sunday talking to her about it. Maybe it could work, maybe it's better left alone. We'll see...



Just sign me.....swinging at the knot on this old, worn out rope....

[fireproof]

Poor dear - you're spinning your wheels!  Take a deep breath now, and relax!



I suggest that you IMMEDIATELY sit down and make a complete budget (I do mean complete-no fudging).  If there is a not-for-profit consumer credit counselor or service in your area, I suggest you contact them before you get in over your head!  I'm not talking bankruptcy or anything like that

[goldenearring]

Lori, you are a winner, and I know that you're going to come out of the corner fighting.  If you need to sit back like fireproof says and take a deep breath (which sounds like a good idea), do it, but not for long.  Are you hooked up with a good church?  

[fireproof]

oh dear - I lost part of my posting....



I was going to say, it's one thing to just decide that you must spend XXX amount of dollars on a particular item, because you believe that that is what's necessary (and yes, I'm talking about baby clothes here - but this would apply to anything); it's quite a different thing to discover that there just isn't XXX amount of dollars to spend.  This, I think, is where people get into trouble.



Please, please, please - if you cannot deal with your impending financial situation (and I do sense some denial in your posts), get a professional to help you analyze your finances dispassionately, and to help you figure out exactly what you need to do to stay solvent.  Like it or not, a portion of your income is spoken for - and you do seem to have pared that down as much as possible - and what is left HAS to stretch to cover everything else, the new baby included.



Personally, I'm a little perplexed by your reaction to used baby clothes; in my office we routinely exchange boxes of outgrown items.  Must be a cultural difference.  we have no shame in prefering to spend our hard earned money on things with more staying power (and it's nice to share).  I've given things to supervisors who make three times what I do, and gotten them from clerks who earn a lot less - we're all parents looking out for our kids, and it just seems practical to save what money we can for their braces, dances lessons and college educations.

[mlm668]

Jade,



You brought up what a lot of people don't realize about credit counseling services.  Using one does appear on your credit record.  But you can still do what they do yourself.  If it is a strain to meet any payments you have, contact the creditor and explain your situation.  Tell them what you can do right now and ask if they will accept partial payments for a certain amount of time.  I had to do that with my car.  It was already financed beyond its value, but my bank worked with me and gave me enough to pay off my credit card (had to cancel the card, but I couldn't complain - no temptation to use it if I don't have it).  I received a smaller payment for both the car and credit card together for 90 days and when that time is up, we are going to look at my finances again and take it from there.  NEVER SAY NEVER.  You can accomplish anything you set your mind to.



I understand your not liking used clothes.  To each their own.  I never turn down "hand me downs" for me or my girls.  If something isn't our size or style I give it to Goodwill.  But on another note, have you thought about putting some of your barely worn clothes in a consignment shop?  We all have things we have bought, then decided we didn't really like the item and so barely wore it.  Why not go through your closet and your husband's and daughter's and see what you have.  This will serve a dual purpose of giving you some more space and a little extra income for other things.  Might be a good way to get some money for Christmas.



Things can always be worked out one way or another - sometimes you have to just swallow your pride and ask for help to work them out.  It doesn't happen overnight, but it happens.  Make of list and work on one thing every other day.



I've been robbing Peter to pay Paul for most of my adult life.  One thing I've learned is that its not the end of the world even though it may feel like it some days.  I do the best I can and ask for help when I need to.  I may never be rich or even financially secure, but my children are healthy and we have a roof over our heads.  There are so many more who have so much less than we do.  



Just take one thing at a time and one day at a time.  All of this worrying is not good for you or your baby and staying healthy for your baby and your daughter are more important than any amount of money.  



 

[curioust]

Sorry to hear about all of this stress--this should be a great time for you.



I have an aunt that works as a Consumer Credit Counselor.  She would (definitely) require you to cut up your credit cards--you should see her office bulletin boards!!!  



I don't know who counseled you about that service--but they are wrong.  I work in the Finance Industry, and while it (Credit Counseling) isn't the best option from a finance person's eyes--it's better than Bankrupty!!!  It will help you manage this crisis (and any future crisies--sp?). I can tell you that your creditors would much rather work with you--than receive a Bankruptcy Notice.



In the older novels, they used to have a term "apopletic fit".  I could never really visualize (understand) the term.  Until I watched a Bank VP "have one" after he received a Bankruptcy Notice on a customer--and the customer never said a word to him about being "in trouble".  It wasn't "pretty".

[tlc2559]

Jade - just wanted to add my .02....



I am lease/purchasing a house right now.  I enrolled in a debt management program.....AFTER I talked with my mortgage lender....she assured me it would not affect me adversely....yes, it does appear on your credit report, but as long as they do what they say and don't pay your creditors late, it tells mortgage people that you are trying to get out of debt.....the payments are reasonable and it doesn't take that long to set it up.  I paid a small fee (they let me pay it over 6 months), but I was current on everything when I signed up and so they kept me on track.  It is a LOT better than bankruptcy....you DO have to get rid of the cards, but that was my objective.  It worked for me.  Maybe talk to a mortgage person and see what they have to say.....it could help you like it did me.



Hang in there....I've been where you are and it's hard and it's stressful, but there IS a light at the end of the tunnel....for me, it just seems to be a very loooooooooooong tunnel!  But, I'm working on it.



If you want to know who I used, email me privately.....tlc2559@administrative-assistants.com



I know there have been times when I've dissolved into tears at the thought of my financial situation....but again, hang in there!  Try to take it easy and I'll keep you in my prayers.



tlc

[donnap99]

Jade,  I've been in your shoes.  In 92, when my dks were 2, 4, and 5 I was in a car accident and had to be out of work following back surgery for 4 months.  Prior to the accident we were already living paycheck-to-paycheck and had many of the same circumstances you describe.  Let's just say I made more than DH at the time, and that wasn't much.  But, like you, our combined incomes were too much to get any assistance.  We did manage to pull ourselves out of it, but it took another 5 years or so.  We're still not saving, but at least we're paying in cash instead of credit.  



Someone mentioned Tightwad Gazette, so I read the rest of the replies to see if anyone mentioned Frugal Moms.  I've recently found this forum - even if you don't post, reading all these other ladies' suggestions will help - if nothing else, then to help you feel better.  Give them a visit; this is the URL for the boards directly:



www.frugal-moms.com/boards/index.php?s=