I've been shortlisted but...

[peanutlover]

I’ve been temping in the same office for 9 months and I really love it.
A position has come up (first one since I’ve been here)– I’ve applied and have been called up for interview.
I had heard thru the grapevine that no one else had applied from our office of 10 people.
Turns out this is not the case and 2 folk have applied – both of whom have been here for years and one of whom (at least) has actually been doing the tasks required for the new job.
Basically I don’t stand a chance.

It’s a bit like the chap in the Olympics that is part of the race only because he’s from one of the under-represented nations. 20 minutes after everyone else has crossed the finish line he’s still only half way round.

Now for the non-professional bit that comes into play.
I’ve just miscarried at 13 weeks and have gradually got to the stage where I can take one day at a time. The only thing I want is another baby. I’m applying for jobs because I know that could take years or indeed never happen.

When I heard I was shortlisted and that my colleagues had also my stomach turned itself inside out and my lunch ‘did a reverse journey’.
Although I would love the job I know I won’t get it and I don’t see much point in putting myself thru the extra stress for nothing.

DH says to go for it anyway and just be relaxed about it as I know I won’t get it and they might keep me in mind for something else.

I can see his point but miscarrying brings on a huge sense of failure and having this extra failure will not help.

Even if I did get the job I couldn’t ever bring myself to take it as I get on very well with my colleagues and I know full well that the job is really theirs.

Anyone got any thoughts?

[gee4]

Think I am the first to reply and am so sorry for your news.  I think on this occasion the job can wait as you need to put yourself first.

It is difficult knowing that other perm staff are in for a job where you are the temp and doing the job to your best of your availability on a daily basis.  You could still apply for it altho it could get nasty as they could make life a bit difficult - do you know the other applicants?  do you get on with the staff?  do you want the job?

If you do then go for it - we all deserve some luck - perhaps the job is for you, perhaps it's not but you won't know that unless you get interviewed.  It's all experience at the end of the day and it will boost your confidence.  But think about it first and make your own decisions.

G

[raindance]

I would like to offer my sympathies to you, too, Peanut.

I agree with Gee's advice.  Naturally, you are feeling rather fragile at the moment but I think this is a time when you take a sheet of paper, divide it in two columns and do a "reasons for going forward for this job" column and a "reasons for not going forward for this job".  The column with the most reasons "wins".  It isn't scientific, but it will help you clarify the many issues going through your mind.  

With regard to your colleagues who are also going forward for this job, I would say that that is a matter which you should put on one side.  This advice may sound cold-hearted, but it is important, in matters of professional work, to focus on your own career and not the careers of others.  This is not to say that you should do anything unethical or improper, but it is not unethical for you to apply for this job.  You stand a very good chance of getting the job, in which case good for you.  If you do not get this job, you will have had the opportunity to be interviewed for a permanent post.  In any case, interviews are a two-way process and both parties have the opportunity to find out about each other.  

With very best wishes for the future,

Raindance

[joysmile60]

Please accept my condolences on the loss of your child.  You have to ultimately decide if you want to put your career path on hold for a while to deal with your grief.  

Keep in mind that if you do go for it and one of the permanent folks gets the position, their position will be open.  If you interview for the one that's open now, maybe you'll be kept in mind for future openings.

Hope it all works out for you.

:)60

[andream]

Dearest Peanut,
First please accept my condolences as well.  And know that what you're feeling on a personal level is both normal and difficult.  I think you have an excellent handle on your emotional state and are working towards getting back your sense of balance with the understanding that it might take some time.  There are no quick fixes in things that really matter.

That being said, let's take a look at this job interview.  I have always looked at every single interview as an opportunity.  Years ago I too, got to see my lunch both coming and going.  Then someone very wise told me that every job interview is an opportunity to see how the world works.  Assuming you're going to get every job is a mug's game not going to happen.  And it's okay to plan for the worst case scenario, having a plan for the worst case scenario means just that.  A plan. I have a little tank with petrol in it in the back of my car.  I have planned that one day I might be in bodunk Scotland and run out of petrol.  I also take steps to see that I never have to put that plan into action.  I don't expect to run out of gas, I just make sure I have a plan in case I do.

You've got some issues with the fact that you feel not getting this job may have an impact on your fragile emotional state...but what would happen if you DID get it? You've made the shortlist after all. Planning for how you might handle the negative emotional fall out is good, expecting that there will be negative emotional fallout, however makes it a certainty.

How will you feel in ten days if you don't at least take a run at this interview? Like you're still curled up in a ball on the sofa.  Like you've not done anything to move on.  Like you've failed.  Either way, failure will enter into the picture for you. You've said too many good things about why this job is exciting to you.

 Is it not better to have NOT gotten the job than to have not even tried? Will you be successful at this interview? Maybe not kiddo, plan for it, how will you take care of yourself? what will make you feel better? And you'd be surprised too, at how good making the attempt will make you feel too, but only if you want it to.  DH is right in my opinion.  Take the interview, walk in there iin your lucky suit and tell them why you're the one they should hire. Be professional, be personable and do your best.  The big difference in planning for the worst case scenario and expecting the worst case scenario can make world's of difference to your self esteem and to your career.  

Now get thyself to the drycleaners and pick up that lucky suit.  And whether you decide to take the interview or not, we're here for you.  We're just a mouseclick away. Let us know how it goes please?

Andrea

[sobriquetnic]

Hi Peanut

On a professional level, I can't offer you much more advice than the good advice from others here.

On a personal level, I would like to say how sorry I am for your loss and I hope that you and your partner will find comfort with each other at this difficult time.

Nicola.

[claudiamag]

You have already been given excellent advice, so I just wanted to say I am very sorry for your loss.

[laurafmcdermott]

Peanut, great advice has been given.  All the best for whatever you decide is best for you.  I am so, so sorry for your loss.

[supergirl]

Dear Peanut: You are a wonderful, unique person, who has not failed, either at motherhood or at work.  Your path has taken you down a hard road, so give yourself some time to rest, and then get up and keep going.  I'll be praying for you.

Supergirl

[countrigal]

Peanut... Sending cyber hugs to you.  I know how you're feeling, as I've been there.  In Nov 02, I lost my baby.  I was lucky to conceive again fairly quickly and have positive results from that.  But the feelings of failing, of second guessing yourself and everything you did or did not do, is normal.  Just remind yourself that it is not something that you can control.  For myself, I told myself that God had a plan for me, and that I just had to trust in him to show it all to me.  I spent a bit mad at him for letting my dream come true only to take it from me like that, but I tried to also look for anything I could learn from it to help myself if and when I got pregnant again.  Give yourself time to go through the grief process too, as that is important in the healing process.

For the interview... realise that losing the baby is not a reflection on your abilities or skills, in any capacity.  And if you've made it to the short list, then you have as much of a chance for the position as the others.  And if you are selected, you should be feel like you've slighted your co-workers, as they had the same opportunities as you and the folks in charge selected you.  I'm sure that they'll select the most qualified candidate, and if that's you, then so be it.  If not, at least you have had an opportunity to learn how the interview process works for these type of positions (internal positions) and it was an educational opportunity for future job postings and interviews.  As Andrea stated... you can either try for this position and possibly fail, or you can decide not to go forward and have failed to take advantage of this opportunity.  Why not look towards the positive a bit and give yourself the chance not to fail?  I think it's a good reflection on you that you've made it to this level in the job-filling process and that the least that you'll get out of continuing is some education and experience on their interviewing processes.  What harm is there in continuing?  You'll still have your current position and you've gained experience -- and you might get the job that you're desiring.

Hugs and wishes for all the best for you...

CountriGal
Peer Moderator