venting about a prima donna

[gingertea]

HELP!  I have a prima donna here who is in serious danger of being strangled very soon.  I just need to keep my sanity for a few more hours today.  I need some calming words to settle me down - quickly, please.

[andream]

When dealing with a Prima Donna, one of the things you can do to get thru the day is consider how amusing she is.  honestly turn your brain inside out and start to laugh when you want to scream.  Pay attention to her needs, be civil and limit your contact with her as much as possible.

I have a little virtual "button" in my brain, it has a label.  Consider this scenario,,, she's really making you insane, you can't hide even though you've tried.  She's wrong wrong wrong and what's worse she doesn't even know it.  Find the little button in the back of your brain.  See it hanging there in space, like a switch on the wall.  In fact mine IS a light switch on the wall, a black wall with a white light switch and the label inthe form of a little bronze plaque above it,,, now let your mental camera zoom in, see your hand reaching for the switch and hear the satifying "click" when you switch it to off.  Take a deep breath and pause long enough to read the plaque on the wall...mine says "X Ceases to exist".

Some days it says "doesn't know their arse from a hole in the ground" or "has the actual intelligence of a piece of cheese".

Works every time.  You'll see yourself switching off that person's bad habits, and they won't matter so much to you. In fact you may find yourself looking at them with a suddenly bright smile....

Just a thought!

Andrea

[gingertea]

Andrea, you hit the nail on the head ---- she doesn't even know it!  I think that's the part that really puts me over the edge.  However, I LOVE your solution.  Right now I have a black wall with a huge red switch (her favorite color) in my mind.  The sign has your line about the intelligence of a piece of cheese because I'm still smiling inside at that phase!
Bless you; I think you've saved me from committing a major crime.

[andream]

no worries Ginger! I have a thousand switch plate plaques you can borrow them anytime.  In fact I sit on the phone sometimes and doodle BIG pieces of cheese.  And the whole thing about finding her amusing really helps.  She hasn't a clue she's an idiot.  she doesn't mean to be an idiot... her momma didn't raise her to be an idiot....you just can't hold it against her.  More laughin less stressin!

I had a rock once with more personality than my latest mental nemisis, poor thing doesn't have a clue that switch has been turned to the OFF position so long now that I don't even think it can be switched back on!

And for real impact you say quietly to yourself "click" or snap your fingers and then smile at her like she's brought you a sack of gold.  You'll mean it, she's have less impact on you and you can get on with the work, which you're most likely cleaning up hers AND yours, which tends to be the way with Prima Donnas.

Hang in there kid, it's almost a holiday!

A

[chris68]

Hubby works for a young lady they have fondly named "Princess."  I don't think she realizes it's her nickname, but they have a good time with that title.  She loves to micromanage people in the worst way, trouble is she's not that efficient at it.  An example...hubby sent in a request for a vacation on a Monday for that Friday.  "Princess" comes back and okays it on Wednesday and apologizes for the delayed response.  Fine.  Then on Thursday afternoon, AFTER hubby had left for the day (6:am to 2:30pm) she schedules a 1:00 meeting on you guessed it Friday!  So Friday morning she's emailing to cancell the meeting. OY!

I love your idea Andrea, I'll try the next time I get a chance.

Chris68
Peer Moderator

[muzzy1001973]

Our office junior is leaving which is a godsend!

She calls herself a Princess and says she is waiting for a rich man to find her so she can give up working. Shes also very lazy and the atitude - I really must be getting old!

Thanks for the tips on the switch I needed that one today, i was ready to kill!

[radaro]

I have a moment of zen which I think others have read here but I think it bears repeating.

Imagine yourself in a happy place.  You are sitting near a cool stream of water.  Listen to the calm, gurgling noises of the water.  You look at the water.  It is calm.  Now you look into the water.  Underneath the calm water you can see the bubbles of air coming out of the prima donna as you hold his/her head under water.  Now you are calm.

OR/

You can use the "Kids in the Hall" method.  When the person is standing far away, hold your thumb and forefinger up and imagine squishing the prima donna's head.

[gingertea]

PD (Prima Donna) is off today, so I feel like I'm in heaven even though I'm working hard!  But I had a wonderful time last night thinking of her with a huge piece of Swiss cheese draped over her head and her buggy eyes peering through the holes!

Radar, I like your ideas, too.  I remember your posting the "hold her head under water" one before and I think I'll use the "squish her head" one at some point.

Right now the cheese image is still making me laugh, so I'm concentrating on that until it no longer works.

Thanks, everyone.

[peana]

I've used 'I crusha your head' many a time, although have got some funny looks when I wasn't being quite as subtle as I thought!  Kids in the Hall were great - I loved the time 'I crusha your head' was up against 'I squeeza your face' (or something like that).

Does anyone remember 'The Girl-Drink Drunk' sketch?  Whenever hubby gets carried away with cocktails I call him 'the girl-drink drunk' - unfortunately it seems to encourage him to have more - not really the desired effect!

p.s. has anyone wondered if they're regarded as the office prima-donna!  I'm sure I've had my moments!

[countrigal]

Nah, I've never been considered the office prima dona... but I know I've been called the office b**ch.  In fact, at one point I was talked to by my manager which is when I discovered it.  Evidently my assertiveness and straightforwardness was being construed as b*tchy by some of my co-workers. I'm glad my manager told me about it, as I've been able to tone that down a bit and take other steps to ensure I don't get cast in that same role again.  When I started in this company, I told those I work closest with that if I ever seemed to be high-handed in my dealings with them, or seem b*tchy, just to tell me straight out.  So far no one has said anything, and no one is complaining about me being too assertive or anything, so my modifications and addressing the issue out-right may have helped.  The true test will be the next position I move to.

Am I the only one to have experienced this problem?  If not, how did you handle it and what was the outcome?

CountriGal
Peer Moderator

[mathwhizchick]

I've not been called a prima donna, but I am most definitely a charter member of the b*tch club.  I've been told that I'm not very "approachable" (read:  lobotomized smiling doormat).  I suspect it's mostly because I do not suffer fools or slackers gladly.  I work hard and at a high level of excellence, and I expect the same level of work and professionalism from everyone else.

How did I handle it?  For the admins, I started asking folks to lunch ("you want to do some lunch?  It looks like Wednesday will be nice--we can walk over to .....").  That way, folks got to know me personally.   I also worked on cultivating a facade of pleasant professionalism.  It's not me, but we are ALL actors in one way or another, and if acting will get me what I want, then so be it.  (given my former life as a professional musician, this was not that hard, once I learned to transfer that skill).

Fortunately, I have a boss who thinks the same way, so as long as I am professional (and I am), she supports me.   It also helps that I'm a proletariat worker-bee in corporate america (*grin*), and with all the downsizing, rightsizing and reorganizing, a lot of the deadwood is gone, and what's left are the people who REALLY work and do not consider the job an imposition on their day.

I do have an arsenal of guerilla weapons, mostly used on the young bucks who think admins are their personal work slaves.  It only takes once or twice before they learn... *evil grin*

[bethalize]

And how! I've never had a problem when dealing with men (that I know about) but a lot of women really don't like straightforwardness, what I think of as professionalism - about the work not about your ego.  

It annoys me sometimes that people are so mean-spirited. They never assume the best, always the worst. Instead of 'Oh, she was short with me, she must be having a bad day' it's always 'Oh, she was short with me, she is a nasty person with a communication problem'.

I don't spend a lot of time being short with people but am I the only person in the world who feels sometimes feels under pressure and pushed to the limit? Or am I the only person who somehow shows it? Then, when you're called up on something like that you never get to point out the five thousand times that you held your tongue about things that other people did. It's all very well trying to be the adult but when people act the parent (you did wrong!) or the child (you hurt me!) I want to tell them they should push off home if they want family time.

I'm prepared to accept that my manner can be threatening to people and moderate it accordingly, but I resent the fact that I have to do all the changing and these people never have a good hard look at themselves and wonder why they are always being upset with people.

Bethalize
Peer Moderator

[gee4]

My answer to all these posts, ignore them - their ears must be burning knowing you are all talking about them - don't waste your time on this!

G

[countrigal]

On the other hand, Gee, it's nice to know that I'm not the only one who is seen in this light, and that maybe it's not just a personality issue but a cultural issue in the office.  Like Liz, I get more grief from women than men, and understand exactly what she explains in her post.  It's refreshing to have a reminder that just because everyone seems to be against me and thinking my straightforwardness is a negative, that there are others in this same boat who have risen through all that and continued in a professional manner -- lending me hope that I too one day will get through this.  Also, I like to hear that I'm not the only one who bends over backwards to soothe ruffled feathers (in advance) by getting to know co-workers outside of strictly professional arenas in the hope that this will reflect on the way they see me when we do work together professionaly.  I'm not really selling myself out, just doing what I need to in order to get a smooth and professional work environment, as MathWhiz pointed out.

So even though you may see this as a waste, there are some of us who see these posts as positive reinforcement of our actions.  And isn't there some time when every one of us needs that, at least once in a while?

CountriGal
Peer Moderator

[gee4]

But we all experience this in work situations or our private lives - it's just something you ignore and learn to live with.  It's rather like a bully, the more you entertain it the worse it's likely to become.  Ever tried ignoring a bully, they get fed up trying.  It's the same with these prima donnas - all they want is attention and to involve others.  Best thing is to rise above it and leave them to it.

G