Top Ten Signs You're Being Stalked by Martha Stewart

[jahdra]

10. You get a threatening note made up of letters cut out

of a magazine with pinking shears, and they're all the same

size, the same font, and precisely lined up in razor-sharp

rows.



9. You find a lemon slice in the dog's water bowl.



8. On her TV show she makes a gingerbread house that looks

exactly like your split-level, right down to the fallen

licorice downspout and the half-open graham cracker garage

door.



7. You find your pet bunny on the stove in an exquisite

tarragon,rose petal & saffron demi-glace', with pecan-

crusted hearts of palm and a delicate mint-fennel sauce.



6. The unmistakable aroma of potpourri follows you even

after you leave the bathroom.



5. You discover that every napkin in the entire house

has been folded into a swan.



4. No matter "where" you eat, your place setting always

includes an oyster fork.



3. Twice this week you've been the victim of a drive-by

doilying.



2. You wake up in the hospital with a concussion and endive

stuffing in every orifice.



AND THE NUMBER 1 Sign You're Being Stalked by Martha Stewart...



1. You awaken one morning with a glue gun pointed squarely

at your temple.

 

[radaro]

Thanks, I needed the laugh!