|
donnap99
|
 |
« on: July 12, 2004, 02:31:05 pm » |
|
I have always had a problem maintaining eye contact... with anyone. I have learned to start with eye contact, but I find myself looking away what I believe is far too often. It seems to always be while I am speaking. I realize it when it happens, I believe most of the time, and will bring my attention back to the other party. I suppose that realizing it and trying to correct it are two steps in the right direction. Any suggestions for improving on this? Thanks! DonnaP99 |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
countrigal
|
|
« Reply #1 on: July 12, 2004, 05:24:57 pm » |
|
Personally I think that looking at someone directly in the eye for the entirety of a conversation gets a bit much. I usually start the conversation with direct eye contact, and maintain it over all but allow my eyes to 'stray' a bit now and then, normally glancing over their shoulder or just over their head or just past them, and then returning to their eyes. I think this comes from being told not to stare all those times as a kid. It's much easier when you're talking with a group of folks, as you can switch your eyes from person to person as they talk and maintain eye contact that way. That is why I love interviews that include more than one interviewer, so I can split my eye contact up between the folks.
CountriGal
Peer Moderator
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
newtofl
|
|
« Reply #2 on: July 12, 2004, 05:34:14 pm » |
|
I find that I have pretty good eye contact when it comes to dealing with important subject matter like the bank or work related situations. I at least have learned to look towards the person I am talking to (I even do that when I am on the phone so that I can practice) so they know that I am talking with them.
I have noticied more and more that at the bank that we use, I have to fight with people or things around me to get my point across. There is one specific person at our bank that I will not talk with because she is constantly looking at other people and things around her instead of looking at me while I am talking or she is talking. I do not expect perfect eye contact but at least looking in my direction and not looking at others or other things.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
Jackie G
|
|
« Reply #3 on: July 12, 2004, 05:54:05 pm » |
|
Mid nose is the area to focus on, but I agree in a one to one, it's hard to maintain that sort of contact all the time without appearing like staring. Wandering (eyes, that is) around the upper body but always returning to the head/eyes/nose should help - try it in a mirror with yourself if you haven't got anyone to practise on! Jackie, Peer Moderator www.iqps.org |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
sobriquetnic
|
|
« Reply #4 on: July 12, 2004, 07:43:44 pm » |
|
Hi Donna
I suffer from a condition called 'Nystagmus' which basically means that I can't keep my eyes still! This stems from my mother having German Measles when pregnant with me.
This made my first interview very difficult! It was for the same company that I work for now and my now boss that actually interviewed me back then, admitted that it had been noticed, but that they had put it down to nerves! Actually having to look directly at someone makes me worse - at school, the other kids used to sit me down and try and make me stare at them because they knew my eyes would just whizz around even more! (And they're the happiest days of your life?! lol!).
It isn't as bad now that I am older, though I noticed it today when my boss was talking to me directly. He is used to it now thank goodness but I do feel it would get in my way if I were to go for another interview.
Good luck with your changing this - sorry I couldn't offer any practical help!
All the best,
Nicola.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
supergirl
|
|
« Reply #5 on: July 13, 2004, 02:45:46 am » |
|
I think eye contact is an art that requires practice. I remember, back in college, there was a girl who was very awkward socially. I tried to figure out once what it was that made her so uncomfortable to speak with. Watching her, I realized that she stood much too close, and she never took her eyes off you.
I think normally we look directly at someone when they speak to us, but when WE are speaking, we glance away/around every so often. This feels natural to me, anyway.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
mina
Newbie
Posts: 46
|
|
« Reply #6 on: July 13, 2004, 01:11:34 pm » |
|
One of the reasons it is difficult to maintain eye contact when talking is that your eyes are looking to the part of your brain where facts, feelings or memories are stored. Which is sometimes when I am trying to think of a word on the tip of my tongue I start looking down and left.
Apparently when we visualise we tend to look up. When we are thinking about sounds, our eyes slide towards our ears. When we are thinking about our feelings our eyes tend to look towards the hand we write with and when we talk to ourselves or hear inner voices (not the mad kind), our eyes move down towards our other hand.
So there is the scientific reason behind it. If you find your eyes sliding off it means you are actually thinking before speaking, which is always a good idea.
Mina
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
donnap99
|
|
« Reply #7 on: July 13, 2004, 02:20:02 pm » |
|
Well then... that makes me feel much better!  Also feels good to know I am not alone. I'm not trying to maintain eye contact constantly, but I know that when I speak I almost always look away. It's not an eyes drifting kind of thing - I really feel more like I'm avoiding the eye contact. Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts! DonnaP99 |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
JessW
|
|
« Reply #8 on: July 13, 2004, 02:27:50 pm » |
|
I do remember reading somewhere that with animals just as much as humans eye contact can be seen as confrontational which is why it is a) advisable not to 'stare' at some cats/dogs/monkeys, and b) why if you try to have eye contact during a conversation the other person or yourself will look away. Primal instincts cannot be easily broken even when that instinct has been made obsolete by the evolutionary changes that have occured in society as a whole.
Interesting stuff (even if I am only remembering less than half the information to fill in the whole picture).
Jess
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
bethalize
|
|
« Reply #9 on: July 13, 2004, 07:14:49 pm » |
|
Donna, it's impossible to look into two eyes at once. We'd have to have eyes like lizards to do that! We can only focus on one point at a time so you have to pick one.
Looking away is natural. Just return to their face every now and then. Like checking the rearview mirror when driving.
Bethalize
Peer Moderator
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
gee4
|
Maintaining eye contact is in my opinion very important. Never trust anyone who cannot look you in the eye (unless of course like some of you have mentioned, you have a condition). I have found maintaining eye contact has proved to be intimidating to certain individuals - I mean why look at other parts of the body - the face is the most important in terms of communication!
G
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
