Challenging Personality

[patphi]

I have a difficult issue and opportunity.

We have this Admin in our company (different department than mine) who feels she is the only one who knows anything.  Usually, I avoid this type of personality at all cost because I have a hard time dealing with confrontations.

Anyway about 6 months ago, I did get involved with her with a project that I just cannot walk away from.  It would be detremental to me personally and professional to do so.

The person loves to brag that she has an MBA.  Of course, I ask the question, if she has an MBA why did she take a job with my company as an Administrative Assistant.  She also loves to put everyone else down.  Within minutes of meeting her she was telling me about her MBA.

The person also runs around telling everyone and anyone who will listen as to how low down rotten her boss is.  And how mean he is to her.  Actually, I know her boss quite well and he is one of the nicest people you would want to know.  Many of his former Admins not only spoke very highly of him; but have gone on to management positions within the company.  So, even though, I do not and never have worked for him - he can't be all that bad.

Anyway, now I need to deal with her.  In this project that we are on, we share equally in responsibility.  However, she wants to be "in charge" of something so bad she can taste it.  And doesn't care who she hurts (personally or professionally) to be "in charge".  Usually I would just walk away or step back and let her be in charge.  However, my responsibility is to help this project to be as successful as possible.  If I were to walk away or step back it would not look good for me, especially if the project failed.   If the project fails, I know she will place the blame square on my shoulders.

In talking to my husband I have said I would love to ask her boss why he keeps her.  Why does anyone want an Admin who runs around bad-mouthing them all of the time.  However, I know I would never do such a thing as it would only make me look small and unprofessional.

My questions is:  How do I handle the person?  Shall I step back and let the chips fall where they may?  

Any and all suggestions would be appreciated.

Thank you.

[bethalize]

Your post gives me the impression that you have thought long and carefully about this and that you know what the right path to take is. Good for you, I say!

When dealing with people you have to be strong and stand firm. If you take a step back and refuse to let her pull your strings, she will be forced to become reactive to your actions instead of proactive in pulling those strings. Tricks I would recommend are: not saying much until you have something to say (makes your one sentence more valuable than her 100); repition ("we haven't agreed on that yet"); letting her think that she's in charge when she wants to do something that is a good idea; rewarding her verbally all the time - she sounds like a very insecure person so if you are positive and reenforce her good points she will lap it up - praise where praise is due and put riders like "but" on the end; never speak in haste or be forced into making a decision.

You hold all the cards at the moment because you aren't emotionally driven like she is and you're prepared for her. Be reserved, be calm and be strong and you can control this situation. You can also afford to be generous with praise - it costs you nothing.

And whilst you are being calm, reserved and in control, take notes at every meeting and communicate by e-mail (with read receipts if you like). That way you can CYA. Take notes at meetings and send them to her with a note asking her to confirm that the contents of the message are what was agreed.

Don't step back: there's simply no need and you would be found wanting if you did. You might like to examine your fear of confrontation: what are you really scared of? That she'll call you ugly and stupid and won't want to be your friend any more? It's not likely to happen - and if it does, you can ask her to stop name calling or take it to HR!



Bethalize
Deskdemon Forum Board Staff

[winkiebear]

I've got to agree with Liz here - don't step back, step UP. There is a way that you can still be very active with this project and not lose credibility. Stay firm, stay strong, and don't let the lady push you around.

You can do it!



winkiebear
Deskdemon Editorial Board Member

[superninjaadmin]

Oh...yes... Your coworker could be the evil twin of Ms. Poly Urethane (an admin who I work with).  Ms. P.U. has a degree in journalism and claims that she has been working on her MBA in communications (however, it's ironic because she is a HORRIBLE communicator and she doesn't share information with any of the other admins here!!!)  She likes to brag about her almost having an MBA - she puts a lot of emphasis on it... But you know what?  Regardless of whether someone has an AA, a BA, an MBA or a PhD, that doesn't mean that they are smarter or more intelligent or a better person than someone who does not have a degree.  Having a degree might be an achievement, but it's not the only achievement one can have to prove they have a brain.  We all have brains.  We are all intelligent humans.  Period.  End of story.  

With that said, I agree with Bethalize's excellent advice.  So, use your brain to be proactive with this person.  You already know the kind of person she is.  I posted a message earlier this week about some advice I recieved from my boss regarding how to deal with Ms. P.U. and it's basically to take the high road, always remain professional, expect there to be some undermining (that's just how she is) and rise above it by removing any "personal" feelings - always stay professional with the teamwork mentality and the project completion goal in mind.  You say she wants to be "in charge" of something?  OK, good!  Give her as much rope as she wants and needs (she just might end up hanging herself with it), keep your professional relationship with her boss on good terms.  Be cautious though...Never give her anything that she could turn around and use against you.  Use the "reverse psychology" approach in dealing with her.  She will feed right off of that!!  

If some day your boss or her boss or someone else asks you about how you are getting along with your difficult coworker, just tell them that things are going well, that sometimes you run into difficulties, but that you always work through them and that you are glad to have the responsibility and that you are learning a lot from the challenges of completing this project together.    Always take the high road.  

Hang in there!   You will be the better person in the end.  

SNA in AK

Edited by superninjaadmin on 09/06/02 06:21 PM.

[raindance]

You got some great advice here.  I would particularly stress the notes: emails, memos, taking notes of things you have agreed and so on: "if it isn't down, it hasn't been done" is a good maxim to absorb because that way you have a record.  If you can stress the "together" aspect of your work with her, then you might just get through to her that team work is the best way forward here.  

I wish you luck.

Raindance

[patphi]

Thanks to all for the great information.  You have been most helpful and I will follow all the advise.  Above all else, I want to remain professional and maintain the reputation I have built both professionally and personally.

Again, thank you for the great advise.  I especially like the notetaking which I will begin today.

[bethalize]

You'll do well, I'm sure. Best of luck, and remember RadarO's visualisation tip for dealing with difficult people!

Bethalize
Deskdemon Forum Board Staff