Message #27896

[bethalize]

Your post gives me the impression that you have thought long and carefully about this and that you know what the right path to take is. Good for you, I say!

When dealing with people you have to be strong and stand firm. If you take a step back and refuse to let her pull your strings, she will be forced to become reactive to your actions instead of proactive in pulling those strings. Tricks I would recommend are: not saying much until you have something to say (makes your one sentence more valuable than her 100); repition ("we haven't agreed on that yet"); letting her think that she's in charge when she wants to do something that is a good idea; rewarding her verbally all the time - she sounds like a very insecure person so if you are positive and reenforce her good points she will lap it up - praise where praise is due and put riders like "but" on the end; never speak in haste or be forced into making a decision.

You hold all the cards at the moment because you aren't emotionally driven like she is and you're prepared for her. Be reserved, be calm and be strong and you can control this situation. You can also afford to be generous with praise - it costs you nothing.

And whilst you are being calm, reserved and in control, take notes at every meeting and communicate by e-mail (with read receipts if you like). That way you can CYA. Take notes at meetings and send them to her with a note asking her to confirm that the contents of the message are what was agreed.

Don't step back: there's simply no need and you would be found wanting if you did. You might like to examine your fear of confrontation: what are you really scared of? That she'll call you ugly and stupid and won't want to be your friend any more? It's not likely to happen - and if it does, you can ask her to stop name calling or take it to HR!



Bethalize
Deskdemon Forum Board Staff