My dream job is turning into a nightmare

[jadegrniiz]

Ok - I've tried posting this a couple times now, and each time I have to close my Internet connection cuz bossie comes in. SO - let me try this yet again!

For the past 8 months or so, my boss has changed. She's distant, and unapproachable. She started running queries on the computer to check my work, and complains when I am behind (which, can't be helped unless they add a data entry clerk to our department), and has - in a roundabout way - accused me of lying on more than one occasion. She rifles through my desk when I am out, and leaves notes like "We need to talk" on my chair to see when I come back.

Now keep in mind that it's my game plan to just stay home with my kids, and work my direct sales business on the side to cover my share of the bills. I'm almost to a point I'm ready to do that - but want to wait and see how business is AFTER Christmas (because right now it's amazingly successful!)

Anyhow, rewind to last Wednesday. Just before leaving for the night, I took the contents from my inbasket, and set it at a different place on my desk so that I can go through it and re-prioritize it. I hadn't finished, so I left it there. That night, my daughter (who  turns 2 today) woke up gasping for air, and unable to breathe. It was a scary night, and I called in on Thursday.  When I come back Friday, my desk was totally reorganized (it wasn't a mess to begin with!) and a sticky note on my chair stating "We need to talk."

I was accosted for "hiding" my in-box from her, so that she couldn't check up on me. And again reprimanded about being behind. And this time (a first) she gave me a "deadline" to be back up to date (as in deposit for 10/9 done on 10/9) as of tomorrow, and if I don't she will formally write me up. I sat, and absorbed what she said, but the ultimatum drew the line. I can only put up with so much - and that exceeded my tolerance. I almost (almost, but didn't) tendered my resignation right then and there.

So - tomorrow is my "Ultimatum Day." And big surprise - I received 4 days worth of deposits from the business office today. Not one per day - 4 days worth at once. I was caught up enough to make my "deadline" - at least, until now.

I told bossie about it - so who knows what will happen. But as anal as she's been lately with my work, I'm only guessing it won't be friendly.

On a better note, I had applied for another job back in March... interviewed but not hired. Apparently, another position opened up, and instead of advertising the position, they opted to call the "top 5 applicants" from the other position first. I have an interview on Friday the 17th. THEN - a coworker's daughter has contacted me about coming to work for her. This job is #1 on my list - so I'm praying it works out.

Gals, I'm pooped. I'm tired of putting up with bossie's crap. I'm tired of driving 55 miles a day and putting up with bossie's crap. I'm tired of getting paid $10k less than I'm worth, driving 55 miles a day and putting up with bossie's crap.

At least I have my DH's blessing to resign if she writes me up tomorrow. It'll be tight, but we can make it.

Thanks for listening.

Jadegrniiz
Peer Moderator

[Jackie G]

Oh Jade

You seem to me, through all the posts you've shared with us about this, to have done (and continue to be doing so) your very best in a job that requires at least another half person's input for some or whole of a week.

Ultimatums of the kind you've been given don't sound helpful - is the world going to come to an end if you don't meet tomorrow's deadline?  Is anybody going to starve?  You haven't said so, so I think the answer has to be 'no'.

To set the ultimatum is one thing.  To then 'add' to that by dumping 4 days' worth of work on the day before the ultimatum falls due says everything.

Your direct sales business, as you said, is booming - at the moment.  And the out of the blue calls about other jobs is sending a very clear message.

So if and when you resign tomorrow, do it with your head held high and don't fall out with them.  Remember you're a professional and whatever boiling point you've reached inside, don't show it!

All the very best - we know you'll come back and tell us what happens!

Jackie
www.secretarialsummit.com
Peer Moderator

[dharma]

O.K. I'm sure I'll get reamed for this, but I'm just stating my opinion.

If you're so far behind, why are you posting on the internet? It sounds like you could be caught up if you so wanted, but you just don't like the job, it's not what you expected, etc. I realize it's hard to put your heart into a job that you don't like, but the fact remains the work must get done fast and accuratey. It sounds like your unhappiness is apparent to your boss as well.

Good luck on your interviews, I hope it goes well for you.

[gingertea]

dharma has a valid opinion

[JessW]

Just one quick question - if bossie is being a complete bitchy moron etc who is (potentially) doing the same to her ie her immediate boss?  Could this be the reason, that she herself is being hawled over the coals about her own performance and is looking for a way out?  I know it doesn't sound / feel / seem fair but, hey, £&%$ happens, and it also floats!!

Jess

[Jackie G]

Yes Dharma, you are entitled to your opinion.

If you haven't been following this, Jade has already made several posts on this subject.

Also Jade, like everyone else at work, is entitled to take a break and have lunch etc, and she is no doubt posting during those periods, rather than work time.

From the tone of Jade's posts, she comes across to me as extremely hard working and conscientious but there is a limit we all have as to the amount of work we can physically do and get through in one day.  For Jade's boss to be issuing ultimata and then dumping 4 days' worth of work the day before the deadline falls is unacceptable, unprofessional and completely off.

I'm busy too - self employed - so the amount of work done = the amount of money I make.  But sometimes I need a quick couple of minutes to clear my mind, or make me slow down, and I hop on here and keep up to date with what's happening.  I don't see anything wrong with that either.

Jackie
www.secretarialsummit.com
Peer Moderator

[jadegrniiz]

Dharma,

Yep, you are entitled to your opinion... granted. But anyone here who knows me can probably tell you how long it's been since I posted here.

You obviously don't know me - probably because even though I am a moderator, and supposed to be here daily I'm NOT. I think my most recent post before this dates back into early September (maybe), but that's it.

The fact of it is, I have to get the frustration off my chest. I can't vent at work (after all, wouldn't that be inappropriate?) and no one I know personally has a clue about what I do (except my husband) so in essence - I have no one to vent to that would even remotely comprehend what is going on here.

I guess all I want to say to your comment, Dharma, is "Whatever" because without knowing me, you wouldn't understand it.





Jadegrniiz
Peer Moderator

[countrigal]

Y'all, let's keep things in perspective.  Dharma had a valid statement, and one that any of us might have made if it wasn't Jade making the original post.  Those of us who've been around a while know each other fairly well on here, and that enters in when we post.  Dharma hasn't been around as long, and therefore made her statement.  Let's not attack Dharma for that.

Jade, it's been obvious in your last postings that you are not the least happy with your position, and the stress of the 55mile drive each way is just adding to it.  This will begin to take a toll on your health if you don't take it into your control.  I'd type up a resignation letter and hand it to bossie.  Give yourself 2-4 weeks to get get your desk in as much order as you can before leaving and then walk away from this headache.  Heck, to get through the holidays you could easily get a part-time job during or through the holidays, which would add some income and help take up the slack between what your sales are in your "off-work" job brings in and what you were making at this job.  And it would let you continue to search for a job closer to home that would possibly make you happier.  An unhappy employee makes for an unhappy work-place and home environment -- improve yours yourself.  Bossie may be answering to someone higher up the food chain and therefore being a real b*tch, but her attitude and watchfulness are wearing on you, and it's you that you have to worry about.  Cut out now, while you still have your health and the positive attitude that will carry you into another position.  Don't wait till you're worn down.

CountriGal
Peer Moderator

[donnap99]

Oh sweetie!  After having just experienced my own period of... let's just call it "professional unhappiness", I totally relate. Of course, you need to move on. You know that.  But with a family, security is very important.  You need to do what is comfortable for you, but please also bear this in mind:  At what cost will waiting place on your mental health?  I haven't posted about this, but I'm finding myself having some small anxiety attacks here at the new job, when a situation comes up that is at all similar to what I just came from.  My new boss has even noticed, and I've tried to brush it off, but it's real.  Don't let patterns which affect YOUR behavior become ingrained into you.  I almost feel like calling it post-traumatic stress syndrome sometimes, but then I think that's a little too dramatic.

I wish you the best - with wisdom to make the right decision for yourself.  

Please keep in touch - coming here if even to vent gave me great comfort at times.

{hugs}



DonnaP99

[ControlledChaos]

Jade

I agree with DonnaP99's post.  Please think about your health.  I can relate to your situation - my last place of employment was taken over and the new Managing Director brought his own people in, I was demoted (while I was on annual holiday) from the MD's PA to the Receptionist.  I asked for a meeting with him to discuss this situation and was told that as it was his company he could move staff around without informing them.  A week later I was called to the Personnel Department and given a verbal warning for dissent and told that unless my attitude changed I would be fired.  

To cut a very long story short I was eventually signed off work with severe depression as it had got to the point where I was being physically sick at the thought of going to work.  Money was tight but hubby told me to hand my notice in and we would get through somehow.  Once I had handed my notice in it felt like a great weight had been lifted from my shoulders.  It took a while for my confidence and self-esteem to return but looking back now I am glad I took that terrifying leap of leaving behind the security of a paycheck at the end of the month.  Now I would never stay in a position like that, my health and sanity is much more important.

As the holiday season is fast approaching there are many companies who are looking for people to temp with them.  It is a good time to leave because of this and I am sure that once you have decided to take the plunge you will feel a lot better about yourself.

Big cyberhugs from me and I wish you well in whatever you decide to do.

Sorry about the long response.

[lioness]

I've been reading your posts since you first started "venting" about this situation last spring so I guess I qualify as someone who "knows" you. That said, I think your "whatever" comment to dharma is uncalled for.

I asked you the same question in the beginning: If your job is that horrible and you hate it so much, feeling like you're terribly underpaid and driving 55 miles a day to put up with the same crap every day, why are you still there? Your "dream job" has been a nightmare for quite some time, and you've told us more than once that you have your husband's blessing to quit, so what's keeping you from doing that? Venting about the same thing over and over without trying to remedy the situation is like crying wolf. After a while, it gets old.

Lioness, Queen of the Jungle

[Jackie G]

Lioness

We may all 'know' each other virtually, but sometimes even then we don't always post everything.  There are doubtless underlying reasons why Jade has continued with this job as long as she has, reasons that she is unable to share with us, nor is she obliged to do so.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion.

Jade is obviously under a lot of stress, and is also quite distressed, which means that she should be treated like a piece of glass.

So please cut her some slack and let's calm this one down a little before it gets out of hand.  Valid opinions and suggestions for Jade are, I'm sure, welcomed.

Jackie
www.secretarialsummit.com
Peer Moderator

[lems]

Jade

I've been reading these posts with interest.  I too am in a job which isn't entirely pleasant (yes nasty boss) but I don't claim to be in such a bad position as you are clearly in but having been in the old secretarial/administrative game for over 25 years I have in the past had the same (very bad) work problems.

It is easier said that done to get up and get out, many reasons hold us back - lack of confidence in ourselves for one thing and I am a very confident person but I've worked for someone who nearly dragged me down, I was so depressed and lacking in confidence that I couldn't think straight - try going for another job when you feel like that.  I quite understand why you are still there.

As for some of the other comments directed at you - I think it is unhelpful to question whether you are getting your job done just because you spend a few minutes of your day visiting this site.  I have a busy, stressful job working, primarily, with many people who aren't remotely interested in the secretarial profession and I find it gets me through the day to dip in and out of DeskDemon just to remind myself that there are like-minded professional (and very supportive) people around.

So hon, chin up - we will get you through this.

Love

Lems

[lioness]

To your point, dharma's opinion and question was valid. Just because jade didn't like the question doesn't mean it wasn't valid. Jade, and no one else, is "obliged" to post anything on this board, but we all are obliged to be polite and fair. Dharma politely asked a fair question.

I'm sure there are reasons for jade continuing in her job. However, if you're going to vent and expect some support and sympathy, you need to expect some hard questions. Otherwise, you're asking for blind allegiance and faith. As for treating someone like a piece of glass, you're kidding, right? Did you stop to think that maybe dharma might need the same treatment?

Lioness, Queen of the Jungle

[countrigal]

*********This is a friendly reminder that we are here to offer support, constructive advise (be this criticisms, suggestions, or questions), and wider viewpoints.  We do not need to attack each other, even if it is meant in a helpful way.  Address the issues raised, not the person raising them or the fact that they are being raised here.  Personal attacks are not the reason for DD.***********

As a moderator, I stepped in and addressed Dharma's post, and the replies to them, in my previous posting.  Please consider those issues closed.  Let's close the other issues being raised here also, and focus instead on the original post of Jade's, which is a plea for understanding and a chance to vent.  As normal, any post like this can be expected to have those who offer sympathy and those who ask questions, but replies should not be used as an attack on the poster.  Let's keep this a place where folks feel free to vent, ask for advice, or go to with problems without fear of being attacked personally.

CountriGal
Peer Moderator