How to tell you're truly Southern....

[countrigal]

Ok... this is for all my Southern friends, whether you're truly a Southern USA girl, or just wish you were, or think it would be fun to be!    We take them from all over, so never you mind where you're truly from, you may find some here you know.  (oh... and any of y'all who have seen "My Big Redneck Vacation"... you'll recognize some of these, even if that is your only experience with Southerners!)

This is all in good fun... so read, smile, and enjoy!

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Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" hem.
 
 Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."
 
 Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."
 
 Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, as in: "Going to town, be back directly."
 
 Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
 
 All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is.  They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
 
 Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!
 
 Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.
 
 Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po'  white trash.
 
 No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
 
 A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
 
 Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when we're "in line," ... we talk to everybody!
 
 Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.
 
 In the South, y'all is singular, .all y'all is plural.
 
 Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
 
 Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
 
 When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
 
 Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it - we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk"  means you don't want buttermilk.
 
 And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,"Bless her heart" .. and go your own way.
 
 To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southernness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning.  Bless your heart!!
 
 And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!
 
 And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y'all need do is make a sign to hangon y'alls front porch that reads "I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could."
 
 Southern women appreciate their natural assets: Clean skin. A winning smile. That unforgettable Southern drawl.

 

 Southern women know their manners: "Yes, ma'am."  "Yes, sir." "Why, no, Billy!"
 
 Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions: "Y'all come back!" "Well, bless your heart." "Drop by when you can." "How's your Momma?"
 
 Southern women know their summer weather report: Humidity Humidity Humidity

 

 Southern women know their vacation spots: The beach The beach The beach

 

 Southern women know the joys of June, July, and  August: Colorful hi-heel sandals; Strapless sun dresses; Iced sweet tea with mint
 
 Southern women know everybody's first name: Honey, Darlin' or Shugah
 
 Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts: Fried Green Tomatoes, Driving Miss Daisy,  Steel Magnolias, Gone With The Wind
 
 Southern women know their religions: Baptist, Methodist, Football
 
 Southern women know their country breakfasts:  Red-eye gravy Grits Eggs Country ham Mouth-watering homemade biscuits with momma's homemade jelly
 
 Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm: Charleston (Chawl'stn) Savannah (S'vanah) Fort Worth (Foat Wuth) New Orleans (N'awlins) Atlanta, (Addlanna)
 
 Southern women know their elegant gentlemen: Men in uniform. Men in tuxedos Rhett Butler, of course!
 
 Southern girls know their prime real estate: The Mall… The Country Club…The Beauty Salon
 
 Southern girls know the four deadly sins: Having bad hair and nails. Having bad manners. Cooking bad food. Wearing too much makeup in the summer
 
 Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah!
 
 Now.... Shugah, send this to some girls who were raised in the South or wish they had been!
 
 If you're a Northern transplant, Bless your little heart, fake it.  We know you got here as fast as you could.....!!!

[JessW]

My personal opinion is this is very good.  However I reckon that for UK, you need to transpose Southern for Northern and you are just about there (excluding Cornwall and Devon of course - they are honourary Northerners in my experience!) 

[Sunflower]

This -- And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!

What are grits and red-eyed gravy? How and when would you eat them?

The Southern accent is lovely - I could listen to it all day y'all 

[Jackie G]

I had the opportunity - but never took it - to try grits in Memphis. now wishing I had at least had a taste!

[Sunflower]

Memphis! Did you do Gracelands?

I remember Joe Pesci eating grits in My Cousin Vinny - it looks like runny porridge? Grits seems like such an odd word for food.

[countrigal]

ok... Grits are more like oatmeal than anything that I've experienced.  It's coarsely ground corn.  From wikipedia: "Grits are similar to other thick maize-based porridges from around the world, such as polenta, or the thinner farina."

Generally, a true southerner does not eat grits alone... you generally put some butter and cheese in it, perhaps some meat (bacon or sausage), scrambled eggs are another favorite.... add those all in and mix them up together, and then eat it.  Grits really do not have a flavor, but take on the flavor of what you add to them.  I have to admit that I do NOT like grits.  To me, it appears to be the glue that they use to hold the rest of their breakfast food together, so I just eat mine as separates. 

Red-eye gravy is just a gravy made from the drippings of the bacon or sausage cooked for breakfast.  This is generally pouted over your biscuits for biscuits and gravy, or over grits, or with the eggs.  Again, generally a breakfast food.

Of course, a true southerner believes breakfast can be served for any meal, so don't be surprised when you come to the South and get offered Grits for a sidedish for lunch or supper. 

For my UK friends... did any of you get a chance to meet "The Clampets" (I think?) when "My Big Redneck Vacation" (a tv show on CMT) sent the family to the UK for the summer.  A Louisianna, southern, redneck family sent to the UK to live in a palace-type home and getting to live it up in the UK -- corrupting the UK.     Hey, they'd already been to the NorthEast USA (The Hamptons) and corrupted those folks, so why  not make it world-wide? 

[msmarieh]

If you've ever had cream of wheat or farina, grits are somewhat similar. I personally can't stand them, but hubby is a southerner and enjoys them (as does his family).

Redeye gravy often has coffee in it as well.

[Atlanta Z3]

Shrimp and Grits is considered a delicacy around these here parts.  I don't care how long I live here I still won't eat grits.  And if you are a true Southerner you will never make or eat instant grtis.
GRITS - girls raised in the south.
Also left out most Southerners will have a Paw Paw (grandfther) and Mee Maw (grandmother)
Lastly if you want to take this to an entirely different level look up Sweet Potato Queens from Jackson, Mississippi.
(I can admit to just once making the chocolate stuff - what to eat during a tragedy)
http://www.sweetpotatoqueens.com/

[Atlanta Z3]

One more  - if you know the difference between naked and nekkid
Naked is without clothes.  If you were nekkid you were without clothes doing something you shouldn't have been doin'.

[Jackie G]

Atlanta, think I knew the Nekkid one without being told.

Love this thread, Countrigal, thanks for it.  I've decided I wouldn't have liked grits much.

No, Sunflower, I went to the outside of Graceland, but we didn't have a lot of time in Memphis so just saw the gates and the plane over the hedge!  We were driving across the states doing what's known as a driveaway - where someone has their own car delivered to them by a holidaying tourist.  Generally it's like having a hire car (you pay your own petrol etc) but the insurance is covered and you'd generally have a few days over the bare time it would take to drive.  Great fun, done that twice.

[Susan V]

Thanks for the laugh! I sometimes forget that “we” have a different language. I can relate to many of items on the list being born and raised in the south. I'm told that I don't have a southern accent so I just contribute that to the fact that my parents were born and raised in northern NY.

[Sunflower]

Thanks y'all for the grits replies - fascinating. The ones with bacon and cheese sound yummy.

When I clicked on the sweetpo link, that wasn't what I was expecting at all, y'all (am getting the hang of this  ). Lol.

That driveaway sounds good - will have to check that out.

[traudi]

Thank you, Countrygal!
I could experience the beautiful South only very few weeks before I had to go back to Germany and never came back to Virginia. But even after 25 years I still miss the smell of the nights, the cute southern ladies calling me Honey or Darling because my German name was too hard to pronounce, and the southern drawl.       

I am German and have been in Germany all my life, but a couple of weeks had been enough to make me miss it the rest of my life.                   

[countrigal]

Well traudi.... You are more than welcome to come visit anytime, though I highly recommend the spring or fall, as the summers are HOT!    We'd welcome you with a big glass of sweet tea, put our arm through yours, escort you to a rocking chair on our front porch, and sit and visit for hours while the sun sunk down past the horizon.

Germany is a place I would love to visit.  My husband went through there once (military), but I have never gotten the opportunity.  One day I would love to go visit...  I really need to make my millions so I can retire and just start traveling the world.... so many places I want to go visit and I'm starting to run out of time.