Enlist the Old Guys!

[dragonladybug]

t for the age barrier, I'd pretty much get into the Army without a hitch. According to the Army Internet site, I'd need to pass an entrance exam (officially called an ASVAB), but the sample questions I saw weren't exactly headache material. For example:

 

A magnet will attract:

 a) water

 b) a flower

 c) a cloth rag

 d) a nail

I took a wild stab and guessed, "nail," knowing they'd probably stick me in some desk job with Army Intelligence after Boot Camp.

 

If 12 workers are needed to run 4 machines, how many workers are needed to run 20 machines?

a) 16

b) 18

c) 3

d) 60

Let's see...three workers per machine times 20 machines...errr...hmmm...uhhh...60?

 

Finally, they wanted to know if I had command of the English language, just in case I had to describe an enemy camp from memory.



Small most nearly means:

a) Sturdy

b) Round

c) Cheap

d) Little

I knew this cheap, round sturdy guy once, but I wrote down little.

 

Now you know where the first questions come from for the "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" game show.

 

Boot camp would actually be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we actually like soft food. We've also developed a deep appreciation for guns and rifles. We like them almost better than naps.  The Army could lighten up on the obstacle course, however. I've been to the desert and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side.  I can hear the Drill Sergeant now. "Get down and give me...er...one!"

 

And the running part is kind of a waste of energy. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

 

I'm reminded of the story of the young bull and the old bull standing on a hill looking down on the cows.  "Let's run down there and make love to one of those cows," says the young bull.  "How about we WALK down there and make love to ALL those cows," replies the old bull.

 

Patience is something most 18-year-olds simply do not have. For good reason, too.  An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave.  To actually carry on a conversation. To wear pants without the top of the butt crack showing and the boxer shorts sticking out. To learn that a pierced tongue catches food particles. And that a 200-watt speaker in the back seat of a Honda Accord can rupture an eardrum.

 

All great reasons to keep our sons at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off to a possible death. Let us old guys track down those dirty, rotten cowards who attacked our hearts three weeks ago today.   The last thing they'd want to see right now is a couple of million old guys with attitude.





 

[chris68]

     



Thanks dragonladybug...that was cute...thanks for sharing.



Chris68

[countrigal]

   Yuppers... and if you remember, in any good army movie (Clint Eastwood was in one that comes to mind, as was John Wayne in Green Beret) the older men are the ones that are crotchety and onry and can kick a$$ all the time.  Besides, one he left off -- most men over 35 are more than willing to take a break from the battle at home (with wife) and go somewhere where they have a good chance of winning for once.  



Thanks for sharing this.

[radaro]

Funny but also a bit scary.



As a mother of two sons (okay, so they are 3 & 7) this is the sort of stuff that keeps you awake at night.

[diamondlady0102]

Reasons older guys can not enlist in to the Army.



For starters:

Sex is not an option....The reason the Battle Dress Uniform (BDU) looks as it does, is because the finest looking woman looks horrible in one.  Therefore an 18 year old would not think of sex while in combat.



I could just see a cranky old man going off on his commander and shooting him in the back because he doesn't feel like digging a hole in the ground.  Old men don't take crap from anyone...not even from their boss.



Where an older man has drank more beer than a younger one...a jaunt through the deser with an M-60 machine gun might be tough when the M-60 is all but obsolete.  You can't use a weapon if they don't have it.



Seeing the most popular time for any attack is at dusk and dawn...old men would not survive in the army.  They are in bed before dusk and are still groggy at dawn.  An 18 year old however stays up all night and doesn't get to bed before dawn.



Though the old guys couldn't remember anything to spill to the enemy...an 18 year old in the army has about as much classified information as a blank peice of paper.  Besides, an old man in the middle of the war would forget what they were doing and as he was getting shot at would get cranky and stand up to yell at the guys (shooting) "Hey cut out that racket!"  The only question would be "how much would he get out before he was shot.



Though the ASVAB is a more difficult acronym than the test itself, the true test is not answering the questions right.  It is to see if you can sit in one chair for anywhere from three to five hours withouth going to the bathroom.  No way an old guy with a weak bladder could make it that long.  By the way.....Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery.



Though some of the food is soft in the army...an old guy would not survive on an MRE.  They have fragile enough bodily systems....Though they are designed to sustain you for one day...an old guy just wouldn't survive on one...one would eat enough for an army and everyone would starve.  The older man may have a better appreciation for guns, however the "guns" in the military are not as ancient as the ones that they appreciate.  We are not talking about a M1 Garand, bolt action rifle.  Though there are no ropes hanging from a wall in the middle of the desert...there may be use for one to climb up the side of a building.  There are cities in that country.  



As for running...though there aren't any people, that I know, that can out run a bullet, as the enemy attempts to fire his Sand clogged AK-47, the time it takes between the first jam and it firing may be just long enough to duck behind a sand dune while the old man would still be contemplating what to do, the young buck would be safe from harm getting ready to take a shot at the enemy.



I too am reminded of the young and old bull standing on the side of the hill.  Plain and simple though walking will use less energy and they may be able to make love to more cows, if the young bull was in shape and ran, he would still be able to make love to all the cows.  



Granted,  18 year olds have no patience.  But as the enemy takes pop shots at them, they have no patience for that either and fight back.  An old man would wait until half the people around him were killed and then fight back.  That is no way to fight a war.  Heck they might not even remember to fight back.



It's a good thing that these email's will circle around for a while.  The old farts might not even remeber what happend on Sept. 11, in a couple of seconds.  Leave the fighting to the professionals.  If you want to help out, send a care package.  Their morale is the only thing that will keep them motivated.

 

[mathwhizchick]

Ah, but old age and treachery overcomes youth and enthusiam every time!

 

[dragonladybug]

The comeback from the young guys is great!  



However, as a mother of a 20 year old, and the wife of a 50 year old - it would be really, really difficult to choose which would be better suited to fighting - I wouldn't want to send either of them.  



But the reasoning for both is very funny.  



 

[countrigal]

I too like the comebacks for the young'uns.    Both sides are cute and valid points, just depends on how you look at it.



As a wife of an AD person who's mid-age, I wouldn't want to choose which to go in reality.  That's why they have Senior NCO's and Senior Officers, so that you get the benefits from the age mixed with the benefits of the youth.  Since hubby is middle ranking NCO, he again falls in between the two groupings, but he's there if he's needed.  But man did he get a chuckle out of both of these views.    His exact words were "Great! Can I go home now?  "



In all honesty though, hats off to all of our military, AD and reserved, at home and deployed.

[MikkoNikulainen]

Who has been able to sample the various products on this list and can be able to pick out the best one? https://must11.com/best-flushing-toilet/