Dealing with Setbacks..

[donnap99]

Jade,  I've been in your shoes.  In 92, when my dks were 2, 4, and 5 I was in a car accident and had to be out of work following back surgery for 4 months.  Prior to the accident we were already living paycheck-to-paycheck and had many of the same circumstances you describe.  Let's just say I made more than DH at the time, and that wasn't much.  But, like you, our combined incomes were too much to get any assistance.  We did manage to pull ourselves out of it, but it took another 5 years or so.  We're still not saving, but at least we're paying in cash instead of credit.  



Someone mentioned Tightwad Gazette, so I read the rest of the replies to see if anyone mentioned Frugal Moms.  I've recently found this forum - even if you don't post, reading all these other ladies' suggestions will help - if nothing else, then to help you feel better.  Give them a visit; this is the URL for the boards directly:



www.frugal-moms.com/boards/index.php?s=

 

[sisterg]

You don't hear from me much in the forums because I'm uncomfortable taking the time at work to post my advice/opinions, and at home I have to fight for computer time!  However, I may have some help for you on this one, Jade.  And let me apologize before I start - this is going to be a long one!



I'll preface this by letting you know I'm no tax expert. But.....make sure you and your husband are claiming as many exemptions as you possibly can on your W-4s.  By upping your exemptions you will have more immediate money available in your paychecks each week.  You will want to consult a tax expert or someone in your payroll department first.  Now is not the time to look at your yearly tax refund as a savings plan.  You need that money now.  Since your family income has dropped considerably, you should be okay by doing this.



It's been many years since I've had a maternity leave, but I received 65 or 75% disability income from my company during my 6 weeks off.  A co-worker passed on to me that you can change your W-4 exemptions twice a year, and a lot of the women headed for maternity leave would up their exemptions to a certain limit (I'm thinking 12) before they left and when they returned they changed it back.  This gave them more disposable income while they were disabled.  Again, your own personal tax situation would dictate what you should do.



Also, if you're having money deposited each week in 401-Ks (which I believe are still good long term investments/savings), you may want to consider discontinuing that for awhile to have more immediate income available.



Okay - enough from me.  I'll just close by saying I absolutely empathize with you.  My family (of 4) has been through similar situations.  Nine years ago my husband started his own business.  The first year his income was only $6,000!!  His business and all of us are doing great now, but it was a struggle at first.  Try not to stress - take care of that baby!!

 

[Katie G]

Jade,



"Assistance" doesn't necessarily mean "government".  Are there any private, church, or community-based organizations in your area?  (They're usually local.)  



I remember back in the early '80s (I was in my early teens) and the recession was hitting my neighborhood bad (a major employer had gone belly-up) a bunch of the churches pulled together to pool resources (food, money, clothing) to help out the families where, all of a sudden, the main paycheck was gone.  



Now, this was a "tough, blue-collar" area and these people would rather DIE than go on any kind of "public assistance", and many were resisting the idea of going to the church for "help", but the priests and ministers did their best to handle it very discreetly.  (This was part of the idea...to preserve their dignity.)  It was just a little help to get them over the rough times.



Maybe there's something like that in your area?  You may have to dig a little for information, but it's a possibility....



Keeping you and yours in my prayers,

Did

[whitesatin]

This suggestion probably won't be too popular, but here goes....Cloth diapers instead of disposibles.  It is only within the last 25 years, or so, that disposible diapers have become the "norm" rather than a "luxury".  You can save thousands per year by using cloth diapers, at least when you are at home.  And don't kid yourself Jade, all these little savings tips DO add up.  If you save a little here, a little there, those savings will add up.  When you look at them separately, it may not seem like much, but there is a lot of truth to the saying, "a penny saved is a penny earned".



I wish for you and your dear family all the best.  I know you are hurting right now.  I think you have received a tremendous amount of support from your TAA family.  We have offered you a "wealth" of suggestions.  Start implementing them and make a game of keeping track of your savings.  I truly believe you will be astounded at what you can accomplish.  Challenge yourself and then rise to that challenge.  You are strong and you are a winner, now go out and show us how it is done.



Please keep us posted about your progress because I know you will progress.



WhiteSatin  

[radaro]

I have nothing significant to add (except for my "no bottle sterilizer" tip in another forum)  All I can do is add my prayers and best wished.

[bethanial]

I've read a lot of good tips.  And whoever said "a little here or there might not look like much, but you add it all together and there's the savings" is absolutely right. I grew up in a situation similar to yours where we had NO money.  But, as far as the kiddie-poos are concerned, just keep supplying them with love, and they won't recognize the difference.  It wasn't until I got out of high school that I realized the sacrifices my parents made and the stuff I "did without" because the money wasn't there.  But I don't remember being poor during childhood, because our family life was rich in love.



I'm not planning on it, but the cloth diaper idea is a good one, and using a diaper service is still cheaper than disposables.  Not as cheap as washing/drying yourself, but still cheaper than disposables.  I even read on one website where one lady was so poor when a 2nd or 3rd child came along that her kitchen dish towels were the kids diapers!  



I guess where you don't like to "give" is the quality of clothes (me? I grew up in hand-me-downs, so as long as they look decent, I don't care), for me it would have to be the area of convenience on this one.  Especially since my most hated household chore is laundry.

[disallusioned]

Ok, here's my suggestion: Put your wants/likes in a heirachy chart and then start doing away with or making adjustments until you meet them all.

For example:

food

shelter (including elect, water, heat, etc)

transportation (insurance, gas, etc)

school costs/daycare

bills

entertainment (cable/movies)

clothes

So I would make sure that the cost of food, shelter, transportation, and daycare/school were covered.  Then I would start cutting corners to meet other requirements.  If it means that I do my own laundry instead of sending it out in order to get more money for groceries, then I'd do it.  Ditto with clothes.  If I had to wear hand-me-downs or good used clothes, then I'd do it if it meant leaving more money to cover daycare costs, ensure I keep a roof over my child's head, etc.  I'd be shopping at the dollar store and flea markets for anything I could get (deodorant, toothpaste, white socks, etc) in order to save money.  I guess I don't have pride  because I can't say that there's anything I wouldn't do (or do without) if it meant that my kids would have food, a house, etc.  Worst case I can see would be me eating Spam and macaroni and cheese (I can't stand either and won't allow Spam in my house right now) but I'd do it if it meant more money available for other necessities.

Suggestion:  Ask around work or your neighborhood, find someone who cuts hair and trade a haircut for something you can do for them.  Or go to the hairdresser one last time and get an easy to care for cut, which would allow you to cut your own hair and still look professional.  Not much, but it could save you minimum $8.00 a cut.  This is one I do myself because my mother was a hairdresser.  She taught me to cut hair and mine is a simple cut.  I splurge and go to a salon to have it done about 3/year.  Most of the time I wait for my parents to visit.

Good luck!  Here's hoping that some of the suggestions given by posters is able to help you.

[dragonladybug]

I can't add anything to the money saving tips, but I do know about home-based daycare.  I did the state licensed home daycare for a couple of years when my son was small, so that I could stay home with him. Money was very tight - we sold my car and relied on just the one (DH is self employed and shop is right by the house), and I used almost every one of the penny pinching ideas already listed - still use some of them.  



Daycare is harder than it appears - not the kids, but their parents!!!  I loved having the kids, as long as they were all in the same age group.  Mixing age groups increases the workload exponentially.  The most miserable time I had in daycare was when I agreed to add a baby into my regular group of toddlers - my son was a year old when I started this, so I got kids that were between 18 mos. and 3 yrs.  In Georgia I was allowed to have 6 paying kids in addition to my own.  You will have a newborn, so the best bet for you would be to have 2 or 3 babies not too much older than your own - this way their schedules can be adjusted to dovetail somewhat as far as naps, mealtimes, playtimes, etc.  I would always just settle the baby down and a toddler would wake him; or get all the toddlers situated with fingerpaints or other activities while baby was napping and of course he'd wake up just at the time I was trying to keep toddlers from eating crayons or something!  After one week, I had to tell the mother to make other arrangements.  It took a couple more weeks to do so, and I thought I'd go crazy before then.



I did love the kids and remember each of them fondly (this was about 17 years ago).  Their parents on the other hand, drove me crazy.  Getting paid on time was sometimes an issue, a big one was pick up and drop off times; they'd send "goodies" that someone in the group could not have, or god forbid another child played with their kid's toys, etc.  Also to get a state license, you have home inspections, you have to turn in meal plans, you have to register backup sitters, you have to get waivers for all kinds of things from the parents.



So be very careful before you start a daycare business.



 

[winkiebear]

The daycare at home thing ... that's a good idea.  In our state (IL) if you have less than a certain amount of children (I think the number is 5) including your own, you are not required to be licensed.  At least, that's the way it was about 2 years ago.  So check out the licensing thing, your state's Department of Children & Family Services will help you out with that.  In IL it cost about $160 to get the license, but then you can watch a few more children and you also can charge more.  Here, the going rate for a licensed daycare provider starts at $160 per child per week.



It all depends on you, more than anything.  Will you be able to handle watching other children while getting used to your own little bundle?  



Anyway, Jade darling, when the door doesn't seem to be open, look around for the window ... one of them's always cracked.



  winkie

[venim102]

Jade,



Do you have a Marshalls, TJ Maxx, or Ross near you?  They sell brand new, name brand clothes, linens, houseware, accessories, and shoes for half price.  These are all items that never sold in the finer stores before the new arrivals.



venim102

[jadegrniiz]

Actually guys, I've read thru my posts and y'all must think everything I wear is designer!  I don't do designer clothes very often, and when I do, it's only because it was on sale. Same goes for my daughter (and soon to be baby). Then again, I don't see Health-Tex as designer...  we have an outlet here and you can REALL rack up good buys on good clothes. Even out-prices discount stores.



As for the home daycare...  here in my county, you don't have to be licensed, just registered. There are no home inspections, but a subsititute plan is required. I had planned on maybe taking in one infant (plus my own), 2 preschoolers, and 2 school agers (one of which is my own). I worked in daycare while in college in 1995-1997, so I know all about the parental unit and the chaos they can bring to a job.



I think that money will be tight with an infant, regardless of WHAT I do for an income.



Good news is that hubby got some positive feedback at a meeting today. It's a tiny step, but its an inch closer to a promotion back to his former position (the one that paid $10k more). We thought for sure he'd been blackballed from ever being manager again....    



 

[whitesatin]

That's wonderful news Jade! Sending positive vibes your way for hubby's promotion and an end to your financial worries!~~~~~~~~~~~~^^^^^^^^^~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



WS  

[goldenearring]

Great news, Lori.  Just keep pluggin' along, one step at a time.  Please don't ever give up your dream of what you can do with Discovery Toys, though.

[daisylee]

Hi Jade!



I've been going through all the wonderful responses everyone gave you, and the thing is, so much of this is so obvious.  I know as a kid, we had nothing, my father was out of work fairly often due to injury and illness(and there were always large medical bills to pay)...as well as having a sickly brother...things like that.  And yet we four kids always had what we needed, as well as food on the table, and a roof over our heads.  My mother busted her butt...worked hours and hours of overtime, filling in in other departments of the factory when there wasn't work in her own!  She was lucky to be able to to that, and she had me taking care of the house, my little brother, etc.



Not every family and every situation is the same, but the one thing we can all count on is the fact that that which does not kill us, makes us stronger.  I see that in the way you've reached out to ask for ways to see you though.  Every little thing you're doing will help, and there will be other things that will present themselves along the way.  You've done the most important thing, and that's to "delay gratification"...not do those things that make you feel good at the moment, but down the road you kick yourself for doing.  That's the hardes thing to do....once you start that, finding other ways of saving and corner cutting are easy!



But it will pass...keep your hopes alive in your heart.  Set a goal of time when you expect to start seeing results, re-adjust them as needed. But mostly remember, there have been those before you that came out of these same situations just fine, and those that will come after.  It's all in how you decide to handle the situation.  It can overcome you, or you can overcome it.  How ever you decide to do it, I just know, YOU shall overcome!



I'm praying your husband's promotion comes though, and for any other relief that will ease you angst and your finincial burden.  God is similing on you, Jade...and you have all of us here too!



Daisylee

[solargal]

The one thing that I really like to do is shop at resale shops - I wouldn't buy clothing at garage sales but the resale shops are another thing altogether.  Most of the clothes were hardly ever used and are in very good condition I don't mind wearing them at all.  We have a game at work who can get the cheapest dresses at a resale shop. I've been known to buy $9 dresses!  Is that a bargain or what?  In my area (Houston, TX) there are plenty of children's and adult's resale shops - you should reconsider your idea of wearing used clothing.  I know you like your job, but I think you should think about changing jobs for a better paying position.