|
donnap99
|
 |
« on: September 14, 2001, 09:01:32 am » |
|
I can HEAR HER VOICE saying these things... stop it! Make the voices stop!!
Martha's Way:
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
MY Way:
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake. You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.
Martha's Way:
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
MY Way:
Buy Hungry Jack Mash Potato Mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
Martha's Way:
Spray your Tupperware with nonstick cooking spray before pouring in tomato based sauces and there won't be any stains.
MY Way:
Feed your garbage disposal and there won't be any leftovers.
Martha's Way:
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
MY Way:
Go to the bakery. They'll even decorate it for you.
Martha's Way:
If you accidentally over-salt a dish, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt.
MY Way:
If you over-salt a dish while you're cooking that's too damn bad. My motto is: I made it, you will eat it, I don't care how bad it tastes!
Martha's Way:
To determine whether an egg is fresh, immerse it in a pan of cool, salted water. If it sinks, it's fresh, but if it rises to the surface, throw it away.
MY Way:
Eat, cook or use the egg anyway. If you feel bad later, you will know it wasn't fresh.
Martha's Way:
To cure a headache, take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
MY Way:
Martha, dear, the only reason this works is because you can't rub a lime on your forehead without getting lime juice in your eye, and then the problem isn't the headache anymore; it is because you are now blind.
Martha's Way:
Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
MY Way:
What leftover wine?
Martha's Way:
Potatoes will take food stains off your fingers. Just slice and rub raw potatoes on the stains and rinse with water.
MY Way:
Mashed potatoes will now be replacing the antibacterial soap in the handy dispenser next to my sink.
Martha's Way:
Place a slice of apple in hardened brown sugar to soften it.
MY Way:
Brown sugar is supposed to be soft?
Martha's Way:
Now look what you can do with Alka-Seltzer:
To clean a toilet, drop two tablets in, wait 20 min, brush and flush.
To remove a stain from a vase or glass cruet, fill with water and drop in 2 tablets.
To polish jewelry, drop two Alka-Seltzer tabs into a glass of water and immerse jewelry for two minutes.
To clean a thermos bottle, fill with water and drop in 4 tabs and let sit for an hour or more (if necessary).
MY Way:
Put your jewelry, vases and thermos in the toilet. Add a bottle of Alka-Seltzer tabs and you have solved a whole bunch of problems at once.
|
