Help--I need to be the calm one.

[dettu]

So, our restructuring. It's stressing everyone out, me included. And here I have been thinking about just me, my potential career path, etc. The changes are going to be made over several months and nobody knows for sure who's going where.

Bossie just came out here to related a small logistical problem to me (something out of our control that keeps happening nonetheless) and it was suddenly clear to me that he's VERY tense--and I've never seen him quite like that before. I had a good suggestion for defusing this little bomb before it hit the ground, and he's working on it now. I realized in that moment that what my group, and my boss, need from me now and until the restructure is complete is calm, peace, and rational thought.

But I don't FEEL rational...I'm scared for me. So, help: how do I stop worrying about what happens to me and concentrate on serving my group, given that they need more more than ever while things are in flux? Even if I end up working somewhere else, I'd like them to remember me as the calm assistant who helped them through a rough time. That's tough, since I'm so worried I can't even sleep properly. But I want to. How do I make it happen?

[raindance]

I'm not sure that you can stop worrying.  It's a worrying sort of thing.  However, you can try to minimize the effect that worry has on you by trying to be detached (without being cold-hearted), concentrating on one task at a time, trying to maintain a positive atmosphere, and giving yourself a lot of rewards - small and great.  

From my own recollection of major restructuring in my own company, I would say that the biggest problems are gossip, rumour and complaining.  By all means listen to people talking, but taking part in any depth can only lead to more worry.  If you want to vent/rant/complain ... trot in here and you have LOTS of pairs of ears ready to listen.

On the other hand, if "restructuring" means that some people lose their jobs - well, that's a difficult one and I don't have an answer for how you handle that.

I am sorry you are going through this, Dettu, and I really feel for you.  

Sending positive vibes,

Raindance

[diamondlady]

Well Raindance gave you some excellent advice.  Especially on the don't add fuel to the rumor mill, that can be the worst thing.  As she said be the listener, but don't fuel that fire if at all possible difuse.

I was in a very uncomfortable position of knowing ahead of a few layoffs when we did a restructuring a few years ago.  You have to stay calm and trust in your management that they are doing what is right for the company.  It was hard, but in the long run, it was in some cases for the better.  We still have some issues that are continuing as a result of some of that restructure and some of it is bad, but it's Management's decision to make and they have to live with it, right or wrong.

I guess my best piece of advice is one day at a time.   Try not to worry about what is out of your control.  You can look for another position if that makes you feel any better or at peace knowing that you are doing something for you just in case.  Believe me the rest of them usually do fall on their feet and probably in a better position than what they left.  I know most of our staff did.  Some of them I am still  in touch with and I know they are in a better position, but they miss us, not so much the work and the job, but the people left behind.  

You've got the right idea already, just stay calm and try to relax, and reward yourself once in a while for a perk, we sure did, and we still do once a week we go and do something special.  

Hang in there, and I know it's not easy, but you'll get thru it.   Positive vibes your way and cyber hugs.  And by all means, if you need to vent stop by.  I know I did.

Diamondlady
Peer Moderator

[adminbydesign]

Definition of "restructuring":

When the people at the top screw up and the people at the bottom pay for it.

Sorry to be negative, but "been there - done that - moved on".  Three "restructurings" and two new CEO's in five years was just too much to bear.  

[geminigirl]

Dettu - you've had really great advice here from Raindance and DiamondLady.  I can't really add to that but I would say that managing to keep a calm head - and demeanour - whilst everyone else is going crazy is going to help you a lot.  Not only that, I think it will have a positive effect on everyone else.

Nothing is worse than the uncertainty but, if you act calm, professional and hopefully can manage to keep a smile on your face - well, I've always found that most of the time the act can turn into reality, which will really help you and your colleagues.

I also find that the more people around me fuss and blather, the calmer I become (maybe I must send all my negative thoughts out to them!) - serenity in the midst of chaos or, rather, like the feet of a swan paddling frantically below the waterline.

Keep strong, keep cheerful (as much as you can) and remember, this is a really *great* place to rant and vent!

Good luck with everything.

[dettu]

Thanks, everyone.

My dear bossie has always been very hands-off and we don't interact a lot except for when one of us really needs something, or quick small talk. He's never used my skills that much (all the mangers and other staff do). But this morning I went into his office and he said, "What do you need?" I said, "No, this morning it's about what do YOU need?" He really had to stop and think for a few minutes, but this question helped him plan his day! He decided to cancel an unnecessary lunch meeting, extend another meeting, order in food for the extended meeting, etc.--and I was able to give him an overview of my schedule for the day and where he'd find me at any given time.

So perhaps I will be of service to him at last!