Cupid, Coffee and Copiers

Dating colleagues is a bad idea. Dating your boss is an even worse idea. Even if an office relationship goes well, colleagues are likely to toss gossip, jealousy and resentment your way. Here are some points to ponder before looking for love in all the wrong places:

• If your office relationship goes bad, talk around the water cooler could get really interesting. How many seconds do you think it takes a scorned lover to reveal intimate and/or embarrassing details about your relationship?
• If you simply cannot live without Joe Accounting or Suzy Marketing, (and I repeat, bad idea), avoid the handholding, kissy-face, moon-struck behaviour at work. Keep things on a professional level, even when you think you are alone.
• If you want to keep things a secret, don't send gifts, such as flowers or candy, to your sweetheart at the office.
• Because office relationships are usually hush-hush, other employees may flirt with your beloved, or vice-versa. Can you handle it? Saying something may let the cat out of the bag.
• Don't send love notes via the company email system. Email is often monitored and there is always the danger of inadvertently sending it to the wrong person.
• Avoid long lunches together, or an excessive number of them.
• Unless you want the romance to go public, don't leave or arrive together.
• If the romance sours, break up while you are away from the office - and that doesn't mean at lunch.
• If you break up, be prepared for the worst. It is not unusual for one or both employees to be transferred or to be asked to resign over a failed romance and the disruption it causes in the office.

Several years ago, my manager started up a romance with a colleague who was married and had three children. During the course of the romance, gossip flourished and they lost everyone's respect. Colleagues who had met and liked his wife shunned the employee, and his opinion was no longer respected. After all, as he didn't have enough sense to avoid the romantic situation he was in, he apparently couldn't be trusted in other matters.

It wasn't long before his wife found out and confronted him in the car park as we were all leaving. A screaming match ensued, which was pretty embarrassing for everyone. When word spread outside our department, the manager was demoted and transferred. The guy? He's still married, but to this day is dealing with the damage the situation caused.