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PA Enterprise
with my boss was when she began to name-call
and tell me who she thought I was. Even when I
handed in my resignation, I was told what type of
person I was, and how I wouldn’t be a good fit for
my next job.
No one should tell you who you are—except you.
Even bosses who give you “good names” could be
twisting your thoughts and feelings so that you
stay at the company longer than you’d like. If a
boss makes you question your personal choices,
talents, and self-worth? They are not your friend.
They are emotionally abusing you.
5. Your Boss Gaslights You
One of the surest signs of abuse is gaslighting.
This occurs when you bring up a past incident or
current problem and the other person makes you
feel like you are crazy, or as if you made up the
incident altogether
If you come to your boss with a perception, a
feeling, a reaction, or anything else, it is their job
to listen, even if they decide not to have an active
response. Where the scene turns to emotional
abuse is if your boss responds with “That never
happened,” “No one else has ever noticed that,” or
“Are you sure that happened?”
In any relationship, this tactic can be used to
get the “complainer” to question herself and,
ultimately, to shut up. This a tactic that only a
toxic boss will use often.
6. Your Boss Doesn’t Accept Any Responsibility
Sometimes you might attempt to calmly address
your boss’s communication style through a one-
on-one discussion. This is a natural and healthy
option, but you may find that your supervisor
doesn’t react in a positive way.
They might hold you responsible for their actions
and feelings, reminding you of all your past
mistakes. They could refuse to acknowledge any
part they play in the workplace dynamic. An
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emotionally abusive individual will do anything
in their power to put you or others in the position
of the villain.
Where you see miscommunication and
frustration, they might envision a scenario of
people who are out to get them or trying to twist
the conversation into blame. So, they blame
others. If you’ve tried (sometimes multiple times)
to have this conversation with your boss and it
hasn’t gone well, it could be time to find a new
office—ideally a less toxic work environment.
7. Your Boss Messes With Your Head
When you finally decide you’ve had enough of
your boss’s emotionally abusive behavior and
attempt to call them on it, or even simply ask
questions, they might become overly apologetic
or even sticky-sweet and complimentary. This is
classic behavior.
Try to leave your abusive partner, and they
will suddenly turn on the charm. This can be
especially disturbing and make exiting such
relationships one of the hardest things you will
ever do. However, since you know what their
behavior will probably be, you can prepare for it.
Set your game face and your story. Find a way to
say, firmly, “Thank you, but goodbye.” Take the
opportunity to leave on your own terms. Don’t let
her compliment you into staying, or shame you
into sticking around just a few more weeks. When
you’re done, you’re done. When you leave, an
emotionally abusive boss can no longer control
you, shame you, make you question yourself or
hurt you.
Jobs are important, but toxic leaders that
cause you to feel depressed, anxious, unsafe, or
ashamed are never, ever worth your time.
Kaitlyn Duling fairygodboss.com
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