Daisylee,



As the chair of our holiday party committee, I can STRONGLY relate to this one!  It had me absolutely spitting coffee everywhere!!    



I've passed it on to all the members of my committee, and I know they'll get a huge kick out of it.



Thanks for sharing this one.



Laughing                in Las Vegas, I am . . .



Robbie

NC - what a way to start my day - I needed a laugh!



Groaning in Las Vegas, I am . . .



Robbie

Andrea,



Welcome to Club '57 (1957 that is!)  I was 43 on April 9th...and boy do I relate.  Heck with Miss Clairol, I go in for the industrial strength dye job...had my first silvery strand at 25!  And I'm worth it!



Did you notice the kids today are wearing our clothes...literally?  They were ugly then, and just as ugly now (but they might not be as dirty!)...but boy, what I wouldn't give to be able to get my chubby thigh into a pair of hip-hugger jeans! (Just on general principal, certainly not to make a fashion statement!)  Especially now that my derrier has gone south!  



Oh, and the other things that have happened to my poor body.  I now have a chin and a half.  I have rolls in places where I once had ribs.  Well, I'm pretty sure I still have ribs, they're just extremely well cushioned now!  My knee creaks when I walk, I have some weird thobbing in my toes, and my hands get stiff when it's cold.  And since this is Chicago, that happens alot!



I remember I wanted to live in the south of France too...and be seen with men named Jacques, Andre, or Armand.  Now I'd be happy with a nice dinner in a fancy restaurant,  served to me by a waiter with a bad French accent! (Sacre bleu!)  I've lost total touch with the music scene....and thanks for the reminder, I need to pick up corn for dinner on the way home.



I want to drive a sports car, a convertable, top down, a scarf wrapped around my head, via Audrey Hepburn, and have heads turn in admiration, not fear!  I want my fingers not to hurt when it's cold...and my ankles to stop swelling when it's hot! And I would really like the folks at "As We Change" to stop sending me stuff on menopause!  But would I like to be 18 again?  Hell no!



43 is great...I've learned so much about how to be happy as I've gotten older...it really is about seeing your children reach their potential (yours sound very balanced!)...and knowing that we've finally made it to the place where it isn't who you know, or what you've got...but who you love, and loves you back!



I am so glad I have this place, where people like Robbie and Fidget lead me, I have you and GE and others to walk beside me, and we have great ones like Liz UK and the admin formerly known as Zaccy to follow!



Happy Birthday Andrea!  And MANY MORE!



Daisy(I know I look only 35, but I am 43!)in Chicago

This is the best "list" I've seen on a website in a LONG time!  I laughed so hard, had to get up and go to the Ladies' (or is that Women's) Room.        



Rockin'   and Rollin'   in Las Vegas, I am . . .



Robbie

Now don't get me wrong, I love some of the food we get from the USA - texmex, hamburgers, big sandwiches, all those amazing things you do with seafood - but when surfing the net for recipies to make as a treat for my other half, what did I come across? I'm not sure, actually. Someone, please tell me what the following are. The bits in brackets are my guesses.

Wesson oil (olive oil with a brand name?)

Bisquick (instant pancake mix? Betty Corcker can't live without it it seems)

Corn oil (I know this is glucose syrup, but this costs a FORTUNE and all the pecan pie recipies say it's used in enormous quantities. Surely some mistake?)

Ground beef (minced beef? or is it nearly a powder?)

Refried beans (kidney beans, a sort of purple pulse?)



I'm still not clear on this corn thing. Is corn the big yellow plants (cobs) that we get sweetcorn from and you do corn-on-the-cob with that we call maize?

And if so, is this where corn meal comes from? Because if it is, it sounds a lot like what we used to feed to the cows down on the farm.



And what is it with Hershey bars? A friend bought me one from a business trip and it was so bitter! But it wasn't bitter like good quality high cocoa content cocoa.



I'll send anyone who sends me a bottle of corn oil a traditional, homemade English Christmas pudding (suet and all), complete with a recipie on how to make brandy butter and a tin of custard powder.  

That sounds like a porridge made with maize flour. I know black pudding isn't the nicest idea in the world, but at least it has flavour.

I've never tasted "grits" but I think I'm going to have to support Andrea on this one. Urrgh!

Kedgeree, anyone?



 

NOOO Andrea, the grits are not evil....they have been possessed by the evil spirit of the okra!  Now you'll have to have an an okracism to cast out the devil okra!





Be careful, you little nut!  Take care of yourself!



Daisy

 

Hey Oz!



I'm so glad to see you here . . . looking forward to your bits of wisdom and humor.



Zipping through this site so I can get some work done in Las Vegas, I am . . .



Robbie

Tracy, this one is an absolute howl.        



I am copying the text immediately and sending to my two daughters.  What a great way to start the day!



Falling off my chair while laughing in Las Vegas, I am . . .



Robbie  

 

Didn't know whether to put this one in "Humor Zone" or in CyberVISION . . .  read this one this morning on iVillage.com . . .



CYBERBULBS



Question: How many people does it take to change a light bulb in cyberspace?



Answer: 1 to successfully change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed.



14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.



7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.



27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.



53 to flame the spell checkers.



156 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list.



41 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.



109 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this email exchange to alt.lite.bulb.



203 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling and alt.punctuation about changing light bulbs be stopped.



111 to defend the posting to this list, saying that, "We are all using light bulbs and therefore the posts **are** relevant to this mail list."



306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brands of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty.



27 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs.



14 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly and to post corrected



URLs. 3 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this list, which makes light bulbs relevant to this list.



33 to collate all posts to date, then quote them including all headers and footers, and then add "Me Too."



12 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.



19 to quote the "Me Too's" to say, "Me Three."



4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.



1 to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup.



47 to say that this is just what this list was meant for, leave it here.



143 votes for a new list: alt.lite.bulb.



38 votes proclaiming the advantages in using vintage light bulbs.





Happy Monday from Robbie in Las Vegas

A number of  you can relate to this, but it is especially for Andrea . . .  



A customer goes into the computer store, finds a clerk, and says,

"I'm looking for a mystery Adventure Game with lots of graphics. I'm ready for something really challenging."



"Well," replies the helpful clerk, "have you tried Windows 2000?"





Is it only 3:00 in Las Vegas??  I am . . .



Robbie          

Andrea, m'dear,



It's not just the South.  These wonderful fellahs are everywhere . . . they just speak in different accents depending on what part of the country you're in.  



I do miss my Piggly Wiggly and my Winn Dixie.  In Las Vegas, we only have sophisticated supermarkets with boring names . . . Smith's, Albertson's, Raley's, Von's.  A bright spot is on the horizon because the Wal-Mart Superstore has raised its ugly (non-union) head here in the Valley of La La Land.



I do have a Texas grocery store story to share.  When I moved from the Washington, DC area to a wonderful small town in central Texas, I went into a grocery store and asked where I could find the tonic water (being an fan of gin and tonic at that time).  This darlin' clerk who was stocking shelves directed me to another aisle.  I went to the number aisle as he directed, and it was filled with medicines and pharmaceutical products.  I walked back and told him I was looking for the "soft drinks" and he said, "Oh, you want the soda water!  I thought you wanted medicine when you asked for tonic water."



That was my introduction to that charming part of the country, where you carry home your groceries in a "sack" (not a bag), where you go to the "show" (not the movies), where high school football is King, and where anyone who is not FROM Texas is a "Yankee".  Gotta love it.  I miss the people (but not the weather and humidity!).



Cranked back in my recliner in Las Vegas, I am . . .



Robbie

script notes from unreleased Warner Brothers epic, "Streetcar Named Retire"



. . . screen fades in to Raymond Burr (as Perry Mason, but dressed in a wet, white t-shirt ala Stanley Kowalski AKA Marlon Brando) outside Della Street's apartment, standing outside her patio/balcony.  Rain is pouring down Perry's face.  Perry pulls his hair and screams . . .



    "Dellllaaaaahhhh,  Dellllaaaahhh!"



Della Street comes to the window, looks down at Perry, smiles, laughs, and goes back inside to watch a re-run of "Greatest American Hero" on the tube.



. . . fade out . . . .







Obviously, with nothing better to do in Las Vegas, I am . . .



Robbie        

Hey Beth,



Have a question.



Why would anyone want to smoke chains?  



                           



Ain'tcha glad it's Friday!!



Jumping into work in Las Vegas, I am . . .



Robbie    

Robbie?  Who's Robbie??



Wandering aimless through Las Vegas, I am . . .    



Who am I?  Where am I?  And Where are the Cookies??