Title: Analogies & Metaphors found in High School Essays
Post by: mathwhizchick on June 13, 2002, 05:51:23 pm
I received this from a peer here at Mega-Corp. While these are not what I would call mainstream usage of the King's English, I find them VERY apt. (I particularly like the one about the rusty steel trap....)
:)
Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides
gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
Sue Lin Chong, Washington
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
Chuck Smith, Woodbridge
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a Guy who
went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse
without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the
country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar
eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
Joseph Romm, Washington
She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to
dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you
banged the door open again.
Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling
ball wouldn't.
Russell Beland, Springfield
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a garbage bag filled with
vegetable soup.
Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring
Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access
T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by
mistake.
Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
Unknown
The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them
in hot grease.
Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the
grassy field toward each other like two freight trains,
one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from
Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
Jennifer Hart, Arlington
The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr
Pepper can.
Wayne Goode, Madison,AL
They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that
resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
Paul Kocak, Syracuse NY
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also
never met.
Russell Beland, Springfield
He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East
River.
Brian Broadus, Charlottesville
Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one
that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
Sandra Hull, Arlington
Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
Jerry Pannullo, Kensington
The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan
just might work.
Malcolm Fleschner, Arlington
"Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a college
freshman on $1-a-beer night.
Bonnie Speary Devore, Gaithersburg
He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real
duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on
a land mine or something.
John Kammer, Herndon
Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter
from I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.
Barbara Collier, Garrett Park
She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just
before it throws up.
Susan Reese, Arlington
It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever
seen before.
Marian Carlsson, Lexington
The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind
her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
Jennifer Hart, Arlington
The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of
his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a
surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.
Paul J. Kocak, Syracuse
The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan
set on medium.
Unknown
He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she
were a garbage truck backing up.
Susan Reese, Arlington
She was as easy as the "TV Guide" crossword.
Tom Witte, Gaithersburg
Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH
cleanser.
Chuck Smith, Woodbridge
She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature
Canadian beef.
Brian Broadus, Charlottesville
She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park
Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first-generation thermal
paper fax machine that needed a band tightened.
Sue Lin Chong, Washington
:)
Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides
gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
Sue Lin Chong, Washington
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
Chuck Smith, Woodbridge
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a Guy who
went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse
without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the
country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar
eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
Joseph Romm, Washington
She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to
dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you
banged the door open again.
Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling
ball wouldn't.
Russell Beland, Springfield
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a garbage bag filled with
vegetable soup.
Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring
Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access
T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by
mistake.
Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
Unknown
The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them
in hot grease.
Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the
grassy field toward each other like two freight trains,
one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from
Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
Jennifer Hart, Arlington
The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr
Pepper can.
Wayne Goode, Madison,AL
They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that
resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
Paul Kocak, Syracuse NY
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also
never met.
Russell Beland, Springfield
He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East
River.
Brian Broadus, Charlottesville
Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one
that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
Sandra Hull, Arlington
Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
Jerry Pannullo, Kensington
The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan
just might work.
Malcolm Fleschner, Arlington
"Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a college
freshman on $1-a-beer night.
Bonnie Speary Devore, Gaithersburg
He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real
duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on
a land mine or something.
John Kammer, Herndon
Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter
from I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.
Barbara Collier, Garrett Park
She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just
before it throws up.
Susan Reese, Arlington
It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever
seen before.
Marian Carlsson, Lexington
The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind
her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
Jennifer Hart, Arlington
The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of
his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a
surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.
Paul J. Kocak, Syracuse
The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan
set on medium.
Unknown
He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she
were a garbage truck backing up.
Susan Reese, Arlington
She was as easy as the "TV Guide" crossword.
Tom Witte, Gaithersburg
Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH
cleanser.
Chuck Smith, Woodbridge
She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature
Canadian beef.
Brian Broadus, Charlottesville
She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park
Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first-generation thermal
paper fax machine that needed a band tightened.
Sue Lin Chong, Washington
Title: Re: Analogies & Metaphors found in High School Essays
Post by: jahdra on June 14, 2002, 01:08:57 am
ROFLMAO! 
Whew! I needed a laugh today!
Whew! I needed a laugh today! Title: Re: Analogies & Metaphors found in High School Essays
Post by: Katie G on June 14, 2002, 02:09:36 pm
OMG!!!
(Runs to ladies' room to avoid embarrassing accident and wipe tears of mirth from eyes.....OK, I'm back...)
ABSOLUTELY HYSTERICAL! Thank you! I needed that!
(Runs to ladies' room to avoid embarrassing accident and wipe tears of mirth from eyes.....OK, I'm back...)
ABSOLUTELY HYSTERICAL! Thank you! I needed that!
Title: Re: Analogies & Metaphors found in High School Essays
Post by: radaro on June 14, 2002, 02:29:09 pm
This one is my personal favourite:
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
Jennifer Hart, Arlington
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
Jennifer Hart, Arlington
Title: Re: Analogies & Metaphors found in High School Essays
Post by: mathwhizchick on June 14, 2002, 04:38:26 pm
My DH howled over that one, too.
:)
:)
Title: Re: Analogies & Metaphors found in High School Essays
Post by: superninjaadmin on June 14, 2002, 11:23:03 pm
Very clever! These remind me of those "Thoughts By Jack Handy" I've heard and read before. Thanks for the laughs. 
SNA
SNA
Title: Re: Analogies & Metaphors found in High School Essays
Post by: copyboy007 on June 25, 2002, 09:41:00 pm
Had to read this more than once. I couldn't finish it the first time without laughing loudly at my desk.
CopyBoy007
DeskDemon Forum Board Staff
CopyBoy007DeskDemon Forum Board Staff