Title: My dream job is turning into a nightmare
Post by: jadegrniiz on October 09, 2003, 07:51:01 pm
Ok - I've tried posting this a couple times now, and each time I have to close my Internet connection cuz bossie comes in. SO - let me try this yet again!
For the past 8 months or so, my boss has changed. She's distant, and unapproachable. She started running queries on the computer to check my work, and complains when I am behind (which, can't be helped unless they add a data entry clerk to our department), and has - in a roundabout way - accused me of lying on more than one occasion. She rifles through my desk when I am out, and leaves notes like "We need to talk" on my chair to see when I come back.
Now keep in mind that it's my game plan to just stay home with my kids, and work my direct sales business on the side to cover my share of the bills. I'm almost to a point I'm ready to do that - but want to wait and see how business is AFTER Christmas (because right now it's amazingly successful!)
Anyhow, rewind to last Wednesday. Just before leaving for the night, I took the contents from my inbasket, and set it at a different place on my desk so that I can go through it and re-prioritize it. I hadn't finished, so I left it there. That night, my daughter (who turns 2 today) woke up gasping for air, and unable to breathe. It was a scary night, and I called in on Thursday. When I come back Friday, my desk was totally reorganized (it wasn't a mess to begin with!) and a sticky note on my chair stating "We need to talk."
I was accosted for "hiding" my in-box from her, so that she couldn't check up on me. And again reprimanded about being behind. And this time (a first) she gave me a "deadline" to be back up to date (as in deposit for 10/9 done on 10/9) as of tomorrow, and if I don't she will formally write me up. I sat, and absorbed what she said, but the ultimatum drew the line. I can only put up with so much - and that exceeded my tolerance. I almost (almost, but didn't) tendered my resignation right then and there.
So - tomorrow is my "Ultimatum Day." And big surprise - I received 4 days worth of deposits from the business office today. Not one per day - 4 days worth at once. I was caught up enough to make my "deadline" - at least, until now.
I told bossie about it - so who knows what will happen. But as anal as she's been lately with my work, I'm only guessing it won't be friendly.
On a better note, I had applied for another job back in March... interviewed but not hired. Apparently, another position opened up, and instead of advertising the position, they opted to call the "top 5 applicants" from the other position first. I have an interview on Friday the 17th. THEN - a coworker's daughter has contacted me about coming to work for her. This job is #1 on my list - so I'm praying it works out.
Gals, I'm pooped. I'm tired of putting up with bossie's crap. I'm tired of driving 55 miles a day and putting up with bossie's crap. I'm tired of getting paid $10k less than I'm worth, driving 55 miles a day and putting up with bossie's crap.
At least I have my DH's blessing to resign if she writes me up tomorrow. It'll be tight, but we can make it.
Thanks for listening.
Jadegrniiz
Peer Moderator
For the past 8 months or so, my boss has changed. She's distant, and unapproachable. She started running queries on the computer to check my work, and complains when I am behind (which, can't be helped unless they add a data entry clerk to our department), and has - in a roundabout way - accused me of lying on more than one occasion. She rifles through my desk when I am out, and leaves notes like "We need to talk" on my chair to see when I come back.
Now keep in mind that it's my game plan to just stay home with my kids, and work my direct sales business on the side to cover my share of the bills. I'm almost to a point I'm ready to do that - but want to wait and see how business is AFTER Christmas (because right now it's amazingly successful!)
Anyhow, rewind to last Wednesday. Just before leaving for the night, I took the contents from my inbasket, and set it at a different place on my desk so that I can go through it and re-prioritize it. I hadn't finished, so I left it there. That night, my daughter (who turns 2 today) woke up gasping for air, and unable to breathe. It was a scary night, and I called in on Thursday. When I come back Friday, my desk was totally reorganized (it wasn't a mess to begin with!) and a sticky note on my chair stating "We need to talk."
I was accosted for "hiding" my in-box from her, so that she couldn't check up on me. And again reprimanded about being behind. And this time (a first) she gave me a "deadline" to be back up to date (as in deposit for 10/9 done on 10/9) as of tomorrow, and if I don't she will formally write me up. I sat, and absorbed what she said, but the ultimatum drew the line. I can only put up with so much - and that exceeded my tolerance. I almost (almost, but didn't) tendered my resignation right then and there.
So - tomorrow is my "Ultimatum Day." And big surprise - I received 4 days worth of deposits from the business office today. Not one per day - 4 days worth at once. I was caught up enough to make my "deadline" - at least, until now.
I told bossie about it - so who knows what will happen. But as anal as she's been lately with my work, I'm only guessing it won't be friendly.
On a better note, I had applied for another job back in March... interviewed but not hired. Apparently, another position opened up, and instead of advertising the position, they opted to call the "top 5 applicants" from the other position first. I have an interview on Friday the 17th. THEN - a coworker's daughter has contacted me about coming to work for her. This job is #1 on my list - so I'm praying it works out.
Gals, I'm pooped. I'm tired of putting up with bossie's crap. I'm tired of driving 55 miles a day and putting up with bossie's crap. I'm tired of getting paid $10k less than I'm worth, driving 55 miles a day and putting up with bossie's crap.
At least I have my DH's blessing to resign if she writes me up tomorrow. It'll be tight, but we can make it.
Thanks for listening.
Jadegrniiz
Peer Moderator
Title: Re: My dream job is turning into a nightmare
Post by: Jackie G on October 09, 2003, 09:07:21 pm
Oh Jade
You seem to me, through all the posts you've shared with us about this, to have done (and continue to be doing so) your very best in a job that requires at least another half person's input for some or whole of a week.
Ultimatums of the kind you've been given don't sound helpful - is the world going to come to an end if you don't meet tomorrow's deadline? Is anybody going to starve? You haven't said so, so I think the answer has to be 'no'.
To set the ultimatum is one thing. To then 'add' to that by dumping 4 days' worth of work on the day before the ultimatum falls due says everything.
Your direct sales business, as you said, is booming - at the moment. And the out of the blue calls about other jobs is sending a very clear message.
So if and when you resign tomorrow, do it with your head held high and don't fall out with them. Remember you're a professional and whatever boiling point you've reached inside, don't show it!
All the very best - we know you'll come back and tell us what happens!
Jackie
www.secretarialsummit.com
Peer Moderator
You seem to me, through all the posts you've shared with us about this, to have done (and continue to be doing so) your very best in a job that requires at least another half person's input for some or whole of a week.
Ultimatums of the kind you've been given don't sound helpful - is the world going to come to an end if you don't meet tomorrow's deadline? Is anybody going to starve? You haven't said so, so I think the answer has to be 'no'.
To set the ultimatum is one thing. To then 'add' to that by dumping 4 days' worth of work on the day before the ultimatum falls due says everything.
Your direct sales business, as you said, is booming - at the moment. And the out of the blue calls about other jobs is sending a very clear message.
So if and when you resign tomorrow, do it with your head held high and don't fall out with them. Remember you're a professional and whatever boiling point you've reached inside, don't show it!
All the very best - we know you'll come back and tell us what happens!
Jackie
www.secretarialsummit.com
Peer Moderator
Title: Re: My dream job is turning into a nightmare
Post by: dharma on October 10, 2003, 12:16:42 am
O.K. I'm sure I'll get reamed for this, but I'm just stating my opinion.
If you're so far behind, why are you posting on the internet? It sounds like you could be caught up if you so wanted, but you just don't like the job, it's not what you expected, etc. I realize it's hard to put your heart into a job that you don't like, but the fact remains the work must get done fast and accuratey. It sounds like your unhappiness is apparent to your boss as well.
Good luck on your interviews, I hope it goes well for you.
If you're so far behind, why are you posting on the internet? It sounds like you could be caught up if you so wanted, but you just don't like the job, it's not what you expected, etc. I realize it's hard to put your heart into a job that you don't like, but the fact remains the work must get done fast and accuratey. It sounds like your unhappiness is apparent to your boss as well.
Good luck on your interviews, I hope it goes well for you.
Title: Re: My dream job is turning into a nightmare
Post by: gingertea on October 10, 2003, 12:56:32 am
dharma has a valid opinion
Title: Re: My dream job is turning into a nightmare
Post by: JessW on October 10, 2003, 09:40:01 am
Just one quick question - if bossie is being a complete bitchy moron etc who is (potentially) doing the same to her ie her immediate boss? Could this be the reason, that she herself is being hawled over the coals about her own performance and is looking for a way out? I know it doesn't sound / feel / seem fair but, hey, £&%$ happens, and it also floats!!
Jess
Jess
Title: Re: My dream job is turning into a nightmare
Post by: Jackie G on October 10, 2003, 11:27:50 am
Yes Dharma, you are entitled to your opinion.
If you haven't been following this, Jade has already made several posts on this subject.
Also Jade, like everyone else at work, is entitled to take a break and have lunch etc, and she is no doubt posting during those periods, rather than work time.
From the tone of Jade's posts, she comes across to me as extremely hard working and conscientious but there is a limit we all have as to the amount of work we can physically do and get through in one day. For Jade's boss to be issuing ultimata and then dumping 4 days' worth of work the day before the deadline falls is unacceptable, unprofessional and completely off.
I'm busy too - self employed - so the amount of work done = the amount of money I make. But sometimes I need a quick couple of minutes to clear my mind, or make me slow down, and I hop on here and keep up to date with what's happening. I don't see anything wrong with that either.
Jackie
www.secretarialsummit.com
Peer Moderator
If you haven't been following this, Jade has already made several posts on this subject.
Also Jade, like everyone else at work, is entitled to take a break and have lunch etc, and she is no doubt posting during those periods, rather than work time.
From the tone of Jade's posts, she comes across to me as extremely hard working and conscientious but there is a limit we all have as to the amount of work we can physically do and get through in one day. For Jade's boss to be issuing ultimata and then dumping 4 days' worth of work the day before the deadline falls is unacceptable, unprofessional and completely off.
I'm busy too - self employed - so the amount of work done = the amount of money I make. But sometimes I need a quick couple of minutes to clear my mind, or make me slow down, and I hop on here and keep up to date with what's happening. I don't see anything wrong with that either.
Jackie
www.secretarialsummit.com
Peer Moderator
Title: Re: My dream job is turning into a nightmare
Post by: jadegrniiz on October 10, 2003, 01:37:25 pm
Dharma,
Yep, you are entitled to your opinion... granted. But anyone here who knows me can probably tell you how long it's been since I posted here.
You obviously don't know me - probably because even though I am a moderator, and supposed to be here daily I'm NOT. I think my most recent post before this dates back into early September (maybe), but that's it.
The fact of it is, I have to get the frustration off my chest. I can't vent at work (after all, wouldn't that be inappropriate?) and no one I know personally has a clue about what I do (except my husband) so in essence - I have no one to vent to that would even remotely comprehend what is going on here.
I guess all I want to say to your comment, Dharma, is "Whatever" because without knowing me, you wouldn't understand it.
Jadegrniiz
Peer Moderator
Yep, you are entitled to your opinion... granted. But anyone here who knows me can probably tell you how long it's been since I posted here.
You obviously don't know me - probably because even though I am a moderator, and supposed to be here daily I'm NOT. I think my most recent post before this dates back into early September (maybe), but that's it.
The fact of it is, I have to get the frustration off my chest. I can't vent at work (after all, wouldn't that be inappropriate?) and no one I know personally has a clue about what I do (except my husband) so in essence - I have no one to vent to that would even remotely comprehend what is going on here.
I guess all I want to say to your comment, Dharma, is "Whatever" because without knowing me, you wouldn't understand it.
Jadegrniiz
Peer Moderator
Title: Re: My dream job is turning into a nightmare
Post by: countrigal on October 10, 2003, 01:53:53 pm
Y'all, let's keep things in perspective. Dharma had a valid statement, and one that any of us might have made if it wasn't Jade making the original post. Those of us who've been around a while know each other fairly well on here, and that enters in when we post. Dharma hasn't been around as long, and therefore made her statement. Let's not attack Dharma for that.
Jade, it's been obvious in your last postings that you are not the least happy with your position, and the stress of the 55mile drive each way is just adding to it. This will begin to take a toll on your health if you don't take it into your control. I'd type up a resignation letter and hand it to bossie. Give yourself 2-4 weeks to get get your desk in as much order as you can before leaving and then walk away from this headache. Heck, to get through the holidays you could easily get a part-time job during or through the holidays, which would add some income and help take up the slack between what your sales are in your "off-work" job brings in and what you were making at this job. And it would let you continue to search for a job closer to home that would possibly make you happier. An unhappy employee makes for an unhappy work-place and home environment -- improve yours yourself. Bossie may be answering to someone higher up the food chain and therefore being a real b*tch, but her attitude and watchfulness are wearing on you, and it's you that you have to worry about. Cut out now, while you still have your health and the positive attitude that will carry you into another position. Don't wait till you're worn down.
CountriGal
Peer Moderator
Jade, it's been obvious in your last postings that you are not the least happy with your position, and the stress of the 55mile drive each way is just adding to it. This will begin to take a toll on your health if you don't take it into your control. I'd type up a resignation letter and hand it to bossie. Give yourself 2-4 weeks to get get your desk in as much order as you can before leaving and then walk away from this headache. Heck, to get through the holidays you could easily get a part-time job during or through the holidays, which would add some income and help take up the slack between what your sales are in your "off-work" job brings in and what you were making at this job. And it would let you continue to search for a job closer to home that would possibly make you happier. An unhappy employee makes for an unhappy work-place and home environment -- improve yours yourself. Bossie may be answering to someone higher up the food chain and therefore being a real b*tch, but her attitude and watchfulness are wearing on you, and it's you that you have to worry about. Cut out now, while you still have your health and the positive attitude that will carry you into another position. Don't wait till you're worn down.
CountriGal
Peer Moderator
Title: Re: My dream job is turning into a nightmare
Post by: donnap99 on October 10, 2003, 02:56:04 pm
Oh sweetie! After having just experienced my own period of... let's just call it "professional unhappiness", I totally relate. Of course, you need to move on. You know that. But with a family, security is very important. You need to do what is comfortable for you, but please also bear this in mind: At what cost will waiting place on your mental health? I haven't posted about this, but I'm finding myself having some small anxiety attacks here at the new job, when a situation comes up that is at all similar to what I just came from. My new boss has even noticed, and I've tried to brush it off, but it's real. Don't let patterns which affect YOUR behavior become ingrained into you. I almost feel like calling it post-traumatic stress syndrome sometimes, but then I think that's a little too dramatic.
I wish you the best - with wisdom to make the right decision for yourself.
Please keep in touch - coming here if even to vent gave me great comfort at times.
{hugs}
DonnaP99
I wish you the best - with wisdom to make the right decision for yourself.
Please keep in touch - coming here if even to vent gave me great comfort at times.
{hugs}
DonnaP99
Title: Re: My dream job is turning into a nightmare
Post by: ControlledChaos on October 10, 2003, 04:04:22 pm
Jade
I agree with DonnaP99's post. Please think about your health. I can relate to your situation - my last place of employment was taken over and the new Managing Director brought his own people in, I was demoted (while I was on annual holiday) from the MD's PA to the Receptionist. I asked for a meeting with him to discuss this situation and was told that as it was his company he could move staff around without informing them. A week later I was called to the Personnel Department and given a verbal warning for dissent and told that unless my attitude changed I would be fired.
To cut a very long story short I was eventually signed off work with severe depression as it had got to the point where I was being physically sick at the thought of going to work. Money was tight but hubby told me to hand my notice in and we would get through somehow. Once I had handed my notice in it felt like a great weight had been lifted from my shoulders. It took a while for my confidence and self-esteem to return but looking back now I am glad I took that terrifying leap of leaving behind the security of a paycheck at the end of the month. Now I would never stay in a position like that, my health and sanity is much more important.
As the holiday season is fast approaching there are many companies who are looking for people to temp with them. It is a good time to leave because of this and I am sure that once you have decided to take the plunge you will feel a lot better about yourself.
Big cyberhugs from me and I wish you well in whatever you decide to do.
Sorry about the long response.
I agree with DonnaP99's post. Please think about your health. I can relate to your situation - my last place of employment was taken over and the new Managing Director brought his own people in, I was demoted (while I was on annual holiday) from the MD's PA to the Receptionist. I asked for a meeting with him to discuss this situation and was told that as it was his company he could move staff around without informing them. A week later I was called to the Personnel Department and given a verbal warning for dissent and told that unless my attitude changed I would be fired.
To cut a very long story short I was eventually signed off work with severe depression as it had got to the point where I was being physically sick at the thought of going to work. Money was tight but hubby told me to hand my notice in and we would get through somehow. Once I had handed my notice in it felt like a great weight had been lifted from my shoulders. It took a while for my confidence and self-esteem to return but looking back now I am glad I took that terrifying leap of leaving behind the security of a paycheck at the end of the month. Now I would never stay in a position like that, my health and sanity is much more important.
As the holiday season is fast approaching there are many companies who are looking for people to temp with them. It is a good time to leave because of this and I am sure that once you have decided to take the plunge you will feel a lot better about yourself.
Big cyberhugs from me and I wish you well in whatever you decide to do.
Sorry about the long response.
Title: Re: My dream job is turning into a nightmare
Post by: lioness on October 10, 2003, 05:06:45 pm
I've been reading your posts since you first started "venting" about this situation last spring so I guess I qualify as someone who "knows" you. That said, I think your "whatever" comment to dharma is uncalled for.
I asked you the same question in the beginning: If your job is that horrible and you hate it so much, feeling like you're terribly underpaid and driving 55 miles a day to put up with the same crap every day, why are you still there? Your "dream job" has been a nightmare for quite some time, and you've told us more than once that you have your husband's blessing to quit, so what's keeping you from doing that? Venting about the same thing over and over without trying to remedy the situation is like crying wolf. After a while, it gets old.
Lioness, Queen of the Jungle
I asked you the same question in the beginning: If your job is that horrible and you hate it so much, feeling like you're terribly underpaid and driving 55 miles a day to put up with the same crap every day, why are you still there? Your "dream job" has been a nightmare for quite some time, and you've told us more than once that you have your husband's blessing to quit, so what's keeping you from doing that? Venting about the same thing over and over without trying to remedy the situation is like crying wolf. After a while, it gets old.
Lioness, Queen of the Jungle
Title: Re: My dream job is turning into a nightmare
Post by: Jackie G on October 10, 2003, 05:59:16 pm
Lioness
We may all 'know' each other virtually, but sometimes even then we don't always post everything. There are doubtless underlying reasons why Jade has continued with this job as long as she has, reasons that she is unable to share with us, nor is she obliged to do so.
Everyone is entitled to their opinion.
Jade is obviously under a lot of stress, and is also quite distressed, which means that she should be treated like a piece of glass.
So please cut her some slack and let's calm this one down a little before it gets out of hand. Valid opinions and suggestions for Jade are, I'm sure, welcomed.
Jackie
www.secretarialsummit.com
Peer Moderator
We may all 'know' each other virtually, but sometimes even then we don't always post everything. There are doubtless underlying reasons why Jade has continued with this job as long as she has, reasons that she is unable to share with us, nor is she obliged to do so.
Everyone is entitled to their opinion.
Jade is obviously under a lot of stress, and is also quite distressed, which means that she should be treated like a piece of glass.
So please cut her some slack and let's calm this one down a little before it gets out of hand. Valid opinions and suggestions for Jade are, I'm sure, welcomed.
Jackie
www.secretarialsummit.com
Peer Moderator
Title: Re: My dream job is turning into a nightmare
Post by: lems on October 10, 2003, 06:22:11 pm
Jade
I've been reading these posts with interest. I too am in a job which isn't entirely pleasant (yes nasty boss) but I don't claim to be in such a bad position as you are clearly in but having been in the old secretarial/administrative game for over 25 years I have in the past had the same (very bad) work problems.
It is easier said that done to get up and get out, many reasons hold us back - lack of confidence in ourselves for one thing and I am a very confident person but I've worked for someone who nearly dragged me down, I was so depressed and lacking in confidence that I couldn't think straight - try going for another job when you feel like that. I quite understand why you are still there.
As for some of the other comments directed at you - I think it is unhelpful to question whether you are getting your job done just because you spend a few minutes of your day visiting this site. I have a busy, stressful job working, primarily, with many people who aren't remotely interested in the secretarial profession and I find it gets me through the day to dip in and out of DeskDemon just to remind myself that there are like-minded professional (and very supportive) people around.
So hon, chin up - we will get you through this.
Love
Lems
I've been reading these posts with interest. I too am in a job which isn't entirely pleasant (yes nasty boss) but I don't claim to be in such a bad position as you are clearly in but having been in the old secretarial/administrative game for over 25 years I have in the past had the same (very bad) work problems.
It is easier said that done to get up and get out, many reasons hold us back - lack of confidence in ourselves for one thing and I am a very confident person but I've worked for someone who nearly dragged me down, I was so depressed and lacking in confidence that I couldn't think straight - try going for another job when you feel like that. I quite understand why you are still there.
As for some of the other comments directed at you - I think it is unhelpful to question whether you are getting your job done just because you spend a few minutes of your day visiting this site. I have a busy, stressful job working, primarily, with many people who aren't remotely interested in the secretarial profession and I find it gets me through the day to dip in and out of DeskDemon just to remind myself that there are like-minded professional (and very supportive) people around.
So hon, chin up - we will get you through this.
Love
Lems
Title: Re: My dream job is turning into a nightmare
Post by: lioness on October 10, 2003, 06:29:18 pm
To your point, dharma's opinion and question was valid. Just because jade didn't like the question doesn't mean it wasn't valid. Jade, and no one else, is "obliged" to post anything on this board, but we all are obliged to be polite and fair. Dharma politely asked a fair question.
I'm sure there are reasons for jade continuing in her job. However, if you're going to vent and expect some support and sympathy, you need to expect some hard questions. Otherwise, you're asking for blind allegiance and faith. As for treating someone like a piece of glass, you're kidding, right? Did you stop to think that maybe dharma might need the same treatment?
Lioness, Queen of the Jungle
I'm sure there are reasons for jade continuing in her job. However, if you're going to vent and expect some support and sympathy, you need to expect some hard questions. Otherwise, you're asking for blind allegiance and faith. As for treating someone like a piece of glass, you're kidding, right? Did you stop to think that maybe dharma might need the same treatment?
Lioness, Queen of the Jungle
Title: Re: My dream job is turning into a nightmare
Post by: countrigal on October 10, 2003, 06:42:33 pm
*********This is a friendly reminder that we are here to offer support, constructive advise (be this criticisms, suggestions, or questions), and wider viewpoints. We do not need to attack each other, even if it is meant in a helpful way. Address the issues raised, not the person raising them or the fact that they are being raised here. Personal attacks are not the reason for DD.***********
As a moderator, I stepped in and addressed Dharma's post, and the replies to them, in my previous posting. Please consider those issues closed. Let's close the other issues being raised here also, and focus instead on the original post of Jade's, which is a plea for understanding and a chance to vent. As normal, any post like this can be expected to have those who offer sympathy and those who ask questions, but replies should not be used as an attack on the poster. Let's keep this a place where folks feel free to vent, ask for advice, or go to with problems without fear of being attacked personally.
CountriGal
Peer Moderator
As a moderator, I stepped in and addressed Dharma's post, and the replies to them, in my previous posting. Please consider those issues closed. Let's close the other issues being raised here also, and focus instead on the original post of Jade's, which is a plea for understanding and a chance to vent. As normal, any post like this can be expected to have those who offer sympathy and those who ask questions, but replies should not be used as an attack on the poster. Let's keep this a place where folks feel free to vent, ask for advice, or go to with problems without fear of being attacked personally.
CountriGal
Peer Moderator
Title: Re: My dream job is turning into a nightmare
Post by: izabella30 on October 11, 2003, 12:36:27 am
Jade,
All I want to say is I hope you find a job you like... You deserve to be happy.. not miserable.. Good luck!!
~Iza~
All I want to say is I hope you find a job you like... You deserve to be happy.. not miserable.. Good luck!!
~Iza~
Title: *Great Attitude*
Post by: dharma on October 11, 2003, 11:59:38 am
Nope, I don't post here. Doesn't mean I don't visit the boards. Sorry if you wanted to be coddled, but you obviously know what have you to do with your job situation. Yep, we all vent; and rightfully so. But, quite honestly, it sounds like you could be caught up with the "postings" but it's just not your cup of tea. Nothing wrong with feeling that way; we've probably all been in dead end jobs. But, as I stated, the work still needs to be completed.
Again, good luck to you. Hopefully, you'll find what you're looking for.
A word of advice: Don't get so defensive every time someome disagrees with you.
Again, good luck to you. Hopefully, you'll find what you're looking for.
A word of advice: Don't get so defensive every time someome disagrees with you.
Edited by dharma on 11/10/03 12:00 PM.
Title: Re: *Great Attitude*
Post by: andream on October 12, 2003, 09:42:11 pm
I think Isa said it best when responding to Jade's post. "You deserve to be happy," and everyone does.
We know quite a lot about Jade's situation and I agree that the purpose of the boards is not to "coddle" but to support and assist. I did not find any of the posts in this thread of be of an "attacking" nature though I might have used some different phrasing and attempted to soften some hard questions and taking up space with personal jibes is just well,,, taking up space. Let's face it, when someone spends more time trying to prove they are right, the original problems in the post aren't being addressed and there is no communication taking place. What I did find objectionable was the continuance of the "I'm right behavior" even after Countrigal and a couple others stepped in attempting to pour oil on the waters...
In light of Countrigal's admirable attempt to diffuse a thread which showed marked indications of running amuck and of the fact that she was ignored I will now step in and repeat a familiar motto, that some of you have heard before. "play nice or play elsewhere"
There are several other places on the web where people can go to be shredded on a daily basis by those whose only way of feeling superior is to hurt others and then claim it was done under the guise of "being direct."
Opinions are one thing, but to blow off someone's issues in favour of proving how "right" you are is unacceptable. Where was the address to the issues in the last few posts in this thread, no it's all about ME!!!,,, Or them as the case may be. " I Said this because" . Where was the address of the original poster's issues?
You will (and I do mean all of you) participate in these forums in such a manner that indicates you at least care about another's feelings. You want to take issue with someone personally? Every single one of you has a Deskdemon email account or you'd not be able to post here. Use it. That way the person on the other end can click you into oblivion at their discretion rather than being placed into a public defensive posture.
In short, getting along is about caring about other people's feelings, being supportive is about understanding and responding to the points which were raised and not trying to "prove a your own point."
While not everyone will always agree with each other it's important that when one person feels hurt others understand that there is no tone of voice available in a posting to soften the blow, to deflect the intention or to help make more clear a meaning.
People under stress tend to read things that aren't there, by the same token, people who aren't under stress need to understand and to consider before hitting the "post" button.
This is a professional forum with a clearly defined common community. Further it's our forum, all of us and a place where no one should ever be afraid to post for fear of being "jumped on" by others.
Unpopular opinion? I have them all the time. I preface those posts with "you're probably not going to want to hear this but have you...." There are ways to say things. Find them.
When you feel the need to slice and dice someone, please feel free to visit other areas of the web, most notably www.monster.com find their admin community and do feel free to try to hold your own in the piranha pool of miscreants who delight in posting painful messages just to add some depth to their one dimensional personalities.
While there are a few good people over there with legitimate questions and concerns, and a few who manage to keep their personal feuds to a minimum while offering helpful advice, they are most often overridden by spiteful idiocy and little in the way of anything constructive ever occurs since if you don't belong to the "in crowd" you don't get heard.
I happened to check in over there a few months ago and saw an entire correspondence posted by a user who had a personal feud with another. Personal emails from one to the other posted without permission, extremely personal and private information posted to the WWW, horrible attacks, and it stood there until Monster could remove it. It amazes me sometimes the ways people can find to hurt each other, and more importantly to ruin for others what should be a resource. Even Monster says it's out of control and frankly they're tired of spending money to keep something this ludicrious online when there are others who could and do benefit from peer based support.
We are all entitled to our opinions, what you are not entitled to do (at least not at Deskdemon) is to disrupt the community.
My Email overfloweth (over this situation) and not from the moderator team, from outraged others who will not see this forum turn into a Monster forum. A plethora of egos running rampant, and no thought given to how another might feel, or to anything really except being able to say "I was right! HA!".
Well, being right means absolutely nothing if you've managed to disrupt the Deskdemon community in order to prove it. Think how impotent you'll feel when you're unable to post.
Why? Because you won't be here. IP addresses are logged and we track back to be sure before we delete accounts, but delete them we do.
We have the ability to lock you out of being right if you aren't constructive and then m'dears it doesn't matter how right you were, because you can't post to tell anyone about it. And you can yell and scream and carry on all you like, the simple fact of the matter is, until you start writing my paycheck, I and the moderator team will do what we feel is right for the community.
Don't like it? Fine. Go find another community to post in. Want to take issue with our stand on what makes a community? Great! Forward a few thousand pounds (British please) put the work into this community that we have, pay for servers in the Docklands to handle the traffic, find moderators who will support not yourself, but the community, and you can have some space to spew venom. We'll create a new forum, just for you and people can choose to come in or not. Until then, you will respect each other and you WILL Respect Deskdemon's moderators when they ask you to address the issues of the poster.
When they decide to step in, they do it only because it's their job to make sure that the sense of community stays intact, and no one is better at understanding this community than they are.
Am I being harsh? Probably. Am I right? Maybe not, but then again, as I stated earlier, if you can do it better, by all means visit a less diverse community or start one yourself and let people body slam others so you can sit back and watch the fun. Whatever trips your trigger.
"I'm RIGHT!" means nothing in the scheme of things when the only one to believe it is yourself and when you've no platform from which to shout it. It will echo from your cubicle walls, and mean nothing because you couldn't be bothered to consider that there are ways of being "right" which do not injure another's feelings.
Having an off day? Don't post.
Want to be part of the world's largest community for office professionals and take pride in that fact? Great! Do so by respecting others first, you'll find benefits in your professional life will come about because of it.
Otherwise take a gander at what life could really be like, this thread is from Friday http://forums.monster.com/viewmessage.asp?messageid=3174609
I'll tell ya right now boyz and gurlz I'll personally pull the plug on these forum boards before I see it turn into this. Like I said earlier, play nice or play elsewhere and have a care for the sense of community.
Andrea
We know quite a lot about Jade's situation and I agree that the purpose of the boards is not to "coddle" but to support and assist. I did not find any of the posts in this thread of be of an "attacking" nature though I might have used some different phrasing and attempted to soften some hard questions and taking up space with personal jibes is just well,,, taking up space. Let's face it, when someone spends more time trying to prove they are right, the original problems in the post aren't being addressed and there is no communication taking place. What I did find objectionable was the continuance of the "I'm right behavior" even after Countrigal and a couple others stepped in attempting to pour oil on the waters...
In light of Countrigal's admirable attempt to diffuse a thread which showed marked indications of running amuck and of the fact that she was ignored I will now step in and repeat a familiar motto, that some of you have heard before. "play nice or play elsewhere"
There are several other places on the web where people can go to be shredded on a daily basis by those whose only way of feeling superior is to hurt others and then claim it was done under the guise of "being direct."
Opinions are one thing, but to blow off someone's issues in favour of proving how "right" you are is unacceptable. Where was the address to the issues in the last few posts in this thread, no it's all about ME!!!,,, Or them as the case may be. " I Said this because" . Where was the address of the original poster's issues?
You will (and I do mean all of you) participate in these forums in such a manner that indicates you at least care about another's feelings. You want to take issue with someone personally? Every single one of you has a Deskdemon email account or you'd not be able to post here. Use it. That way the person on the other end can click you into oblivion at their discretion rather than being placed into a public defensive posture.
In short, getting along is about caring about other people's feelings, being supportive is about understanding and responding to the points which were raised and not trying to "prove a your own point."
While not everyone will always agree with each other it's important that when one person feels hurt others understand that there is no tone of voice available in a posting to soften the blow, to deflect the intention or to help make more clear a meaning.
People under stress tend to read things that aren't there, by the same token, people who aren't under stress need to understand and to consider before hitting the "post" button.
This is a professional forum with a clearly defined common community. Further it's our forum, all of us and a place where no one should ever be afraid to post for fear of being "jumped on" by others.
Unpopular opinion? I have them all the time. I preface those posts with "you're probably not going to want to hear this but have you...." There are ways to say things. Find them.
When you feel the need to slice and dice someone, please feel free to visit other areas of the web, most notably www.monster.com find their admin community and do feel free to try to hold your own in the piranha pool of miscreants who delight in posting painful messages just to add some depth to their one dimensional personalities.
While there are a few good people over there with legitimate questions and concerns, and a few who manage to keep their personal feuds to a minimum while offering helpful advice, they are most often overridden by spiteful idiocy and little in the way of anything constructive ever occurs since if you don't belong to the "in crowd" you don't get heard.
I happened to check in over there a few months ago and saw an entire correspondence posted by a user who had a personal feud with another. Personal emails from one to the other posted without permission, extremely personal and private information posted to the WWW, horrible attacks, and it stood there until Monster could remove it. It amazes me sometimes the ways people can find to hurt each other, and more importantly to ruin for others what should be a resource. Even Monster says it's out of control and frankly they're tired of spending money to keep something this ludicrious online when there are others who could and do benefit from peer based support.
We are all entitled to our opinions, what you are not entitled to do (at least not at Deskdemon) is to disrupt the community.
My Email overfloweth (over this situation) and not from the moderator team, from outraged others who will not see this forum turn into a Monster forum. A plethora of egos running rampant, and no thought given to how another might feel, or to anything really except being able to say "I was right! HA!".
Well, being right means absolutely nothing if you've managed to disrupt the Deskdemon community in order to prove it. Think how impotent you'll feel when you're unable to post.
Why? Because you won't be here. IP addresses are logged and we track back to be sure before we delete accounts, but delete them we do.
We have the ability to lock you out of being right if you aren't constructive and then m'dears it doesn't matter how right you were, because you can't post to tell anyone about it. And you can yell and scream and carry on all you like, the simple fact of the matter is, until you start writing my paycheck, I and the moderator team will do what we feel is right for the community.
Don't like it? Fine. Go find another community to post in. Want to take issue with our stand on what makes a community? Great! Forward a few thousand pounds (British please) put the work into this community that we have, pay for servers in the Docklands to handle the traffic, find moderators who will support not yourself, but the community, and you can have some space to spew venom. We'll create a new forum, just for you and people can choose to come in or not. Until then, you will respect each other and you WILL Respect Deskdemon's moderators when they ask you to address the issues of the poster.
When they decide to step in, they do it only because it's their job to make sure that the sense of community stays intact, and no one is better at understanding this community than they are.
Am I being harsh? Probably. Am I right? Maybe not, but then again, as I stated earlier, if you can do it better, by all means visit a less diverse community or start one yourself and let people body slam others so you can sit back and watch the fun. Whatever trips your trigger.
"I'm RIGHT!" means nothing in the scheme of things when the only one to believe it is yourself and when you've no platform from which to shout it. It will echo from your cubicle walls, and mean nothing because you couldn't be bothered to consider that there are ways of being "right" which do not injure another's feelings.
Having an off day? Don't post.
Want to be part of the world's largest community for office professionals and take pride in that fact? Great! Do so by respecting others first, you'll find benefits in your professional life will come about because of it.
Otherwise take a gander at what life could really be like, this thread is from Friday http://forums.monster.com/viewmessage.asp?messageid=3174609
I'll tell ya right now boyz and gurlz I'll personally pull the plug on these forum boards before I see it turn into this. Like I said earlier, play nice or play elsewhere and have a care for the sense of community.
Andrea
Title: Re: My dream job is turning into a nightmare
Post by: mlm668 on October 12, 2003, 11:59:36 pm
I agree with the other poster who observed you could get the work done if you weren't posting here. We all have tasks to do that we don't care for (mine is entering equipment hours - I have three weeks worth on my desk now); because of that we find reasons not to do them right away and end up behind only making things worse. However, your defensiveness suggests you know that and gives a good indication of the stress this whole situation has put you under. I imagine with everything you've had to deal with the past three years (hubby's job issues, new baby {is she really 2 already??}, changes in residence) you've reached your limit. I also have a huge problem with your boss giving you a deadline and then dumping a backlog on you at the last minute. The only solution I have for that is to start stamping the deposit batches with a received stamp when they are given to you. Then you have a defense when you are questioned about why they aren't logged (given you keep them up to date from now on).
I'm sure you know all the issues to consider before you decide to quit. Write them all down. If you choose to quit, you lose your income, but you won't have to pay childcare for the baby, fuel for your car, you won't need to keep up two wardrobes (work and casual), you'll be able to take your daughter to school and pick her up, volunteer there if you want. Does your side business bring in enough to cover the balance your salary would normally cover after you pay those things? Also, if you can find a way to make it for the next two years, you can always consider part time work after your baby starts school.
Deep down though, I think you already know what to do. You don't like your job, you're tired of the commute, you're not making the salary you want. Sounds like its time to move on. You are fortunate that you have your husband's support. There are plenty of job seekers out there who will gladly put up with an uptight boss as long as they get a paycheck and you can spend more time with your family and doing what makes you happy.
Michelle
I'm sure you know all the issues to consider before you decide to quit. Write them all down. If you choose to quit, you lose your income, but you won't have to pay childcare for the baby, fuel for your car, you won't need to keep up two wardrobes (work and casual), you'll be able to take your daughter to school and pick her up, volunteer there if you want. Does your side business bring in enough to cover the balance your salary would normally cover after you pay those things? Also, if you can find a way to make it for the next two years, you can always consider part time work after your baby starts school.
Deep down though, I think you already know what to do. You don't like your job, you're tired of the commute, you're not making the salary you want. Sounds like its time to move on. You are fortunate that you have your husband's support. There are plenty of job seekers out there who will gladly put up with an uptight boss as long as they get a paycheck and you can spend more time with your family and doing what makes you happy.
Michelle
Title: Re: *Great Attitude*
Post by: lems on October 13, 2003, 09:25:27 am
Well said Andrea
Of course everyone has a valid opinion but sometimes (and I speak as a former mouth in action before brain in gear gal!! (oh the joys of maturity and wisdom)) we have to make a judgement call - is our opinion going to be helpful and we have to accept that it may not be on every occasion.
Of course Jade knows she has to get out and what she has to do but sometimes we just need others to tell us the same thing - it's what I said about having our confidence drained - deep down we know what is right but it's making that step into the unknown - we need others to boost us and help us to make that step.
Lems
Of course everyone has a valid opinion but sometimes (and I speak as a former mouth in action before brain in gear gal!! (oh the joys of maturity and wisdom)) we have to make a judgement call - is our opinion going to be helpful and we have to accept that it may not be on every occasion.
Of course Jade knows she has to get out and what she has to do but sometimes we just need others to tell us the same thing - it's what I said about having our confidence drained - deep down we know what is right but it's making that step into the unknown - we need others to boost us and help us to make that step.
Lems
Title: Re: *Great Attitude*
Post by: andream on October 13, 2003, 10:51:22 am
Smooches to you Lemmie and to all the others who work so hard to be heard and to hear others.
A :)
A :)
Title: Re: My dream job is turning into a nightmare
Post by: gee4 on October 14, 2003, 01:28:47 pm
I got halfway thro' all these postings and just want to say:
I was made redundant three times since 1999. I have had loads of terrible jobs and others good. I have met some fantastic people including temps who I still keep in touch with. The point is, there is always some good that comes out of all the bad. I left a v boring perm job last month and altho my current job is contract for 6 mths, I have been made to feel more welcome than I have in lots of perm jobs.
I am having an induction day next week and a night out in November.
Now while all this sounds wonderful, I too have had to put up with crap. Driving endless miles each day, dressed up for a busy day, only to find your boss is not coming in until 3pm. You ask yourself, why am I here? The answer is simple, you are a qualfied PA who was hired for your skills to do the job. We all make mistakes, not all jobs are for us. However, you must learn to deal with it and move on - stop complaining, take control and get yourself something better.
Most managers are not cut out for their job and others treat PAs and admin staff like their kids. But do remember, you are a person with feelings and a life so be assertive and show you can either a) do the job or b) move on.
Good luck!
I was made redundant three times since 1999. I have had loads of terrible jobs and others good. I have met some fantastic people including temps who I still keep in touch with. The point is, there is always some good that comes out of all the bad. I left a v boring perm job last month and altho my current job is contract for 6 mths, I have been made to feel more welcome than I have in lots of perm jobs.
I am having an induction day next week and a night out in November.
Now while all this sounds wonderful, I too have had to put up with crap. Driving endless miles each day, dressed up for a busy day, only to find your boss is not coming in until 3pm. You ask yourself, why am I here? The answer is simple, you are a qualfied PA who was hired for your skills to do the job. We all make mistakes, not all jobs are for us. However, you must learn to deal with it and move on - stop complaining, take control and get yourself something better.
Most managers are not cut out for their job and others treat PAs and admin staff like their kids. But do remember, you are a person with feelings and a life so be assertive and show you can either a) do the job or b) move on.
Good luck!